You’ll need to forgive me: I had these queued up for last week but forgot to press the scheduler. No, if we’re truly honest, I went away for a week with my head full of magic and simply forgot. I know, I’m scum – subhuman scum. Look, it was an eventful week which culminated in me chain-eating blue raspberry sour laces on the drive home and then having a terrifying poo the next day when it looked to all intents and purposes like I’d shat out a Smurf. I tried to explain my terror to Paul only for him to fix me with one of those slack-jawed gazes that suggests the only reason he has a brain is to stop his skull collapsing in on itself and only then did I remember my fruity indulgence the night before.
And there, readers, is why you come to our blog, isn’t it? A blue poop story within the opening paragraph.
Anyway, hush your lips: the reason I have brought you all here tonight is not to discuss my cerulean-poo but rather it’s a planner challenge. Now, for those that div-nat-knaa, we have a planner out and it’s terribly sexy and will help you with your weight loss – you’ve just got to look for it! Part of the planner is the weekly challenges and this week I have chosen #2CCGUILTYPLEASURE – which is talking about what is your mankiest food combination. We’ve all got one – my ex-flatmate Mary for example used to like combining a dirty thick marrow with what looked like a grimacing oyster, and that’s why she’s not allowed down the allotment anymore.
We done made a graphic:
Here’s the thing: even if you don’t like Marmite, this is a taste sensation that works. Crunchy burnt toast, mashed sweet banana and just a little spread of Marmite. Actually, that’s a fib, I spread Marmite on in the same way one might tarmac a driveway, but you don’t need to go that far. I just like to feel alive.
Now in the spirit of sharing, a few other ones that I thoroughly enjoy but that make Paul gip into his sleeve:
- tinned tuna fish mashed into baked beans – really mashed mind you, so you get a really thick stodge, then fried off with chilli sauce
- salt added to black coffee – this came via Modern Family, although Gloria adds it to chocolate milk. I’m too much of a fat bastard to have chocolate milk but I tried it with strong black coffee and it was delicious
- baked beans with two eggs cracked straight in, swirled around with chopped hotdogs mixed in – it genuinely looks like something that might fall off a diseased cow’s udders but by God it’s comfort food in a bowl
My husband Paul, being the prim and proper little bugger that he is, can’t think of any weird combinations that he puts in his mouth. If only he knew. He does sit and nibble stock cubes of an evening which in retrospect explains his blood pressure. That and living with me and my blue-poop-dramas and constant fiddling with his Spotify account when he’s at work. Do you have any ideas how many relationship-threatening arguments we have had because Billie Eilish keeps getting added to his favourites?
My friend Paul, himself a Sugar-Puff scented Refresher bar brought to fabulous life, has chimed in with ‘cheese and ketchup served in a cheap bread sandwich’ which, let’s be honest, is a pretty safe combination. What’s ketchup if not tomato chutney for the impoverished? What’s bread if not crackers left out in a steam room? I mean haway. I’ll not hold my breath for a second round.
Which is unlike me, admittedly.
On our facebook group we’ve had:
- bananas, cheese and garlic pickle which I have to admit, sounds alright – but imagine the burps
- hot cross buns coated with cheese, which is a delightful combination
- jacket potato served with chopped gherkin, sweetcorn and salad cream – which apparently is ‘better than any dick I’ve ever tasted’ – I’m not saying I disagree, but as someone who has sampled enough of the latter to risk going blind from the inside, I know which I’d rather have in my gob
- McDonalds fries into milkshake – I think this one is dirty, honestly, and I’m all for salty/sweet mix
- my second favourite – onion ring crisps with a Malteaser popped on top like a fancy canapé – that tickled me
But my absolute favourite: potato salad and Bombay Mix mixed together, which I’m tenting in my knickers for. That sounds amazing! Off to go to Tesco to try this one!
Bit of admin before I clock off:
- our slimming cookbook can be ordered online now – full of 100+ slimming recipes, and bloody amazing, with over 2400 5* reviews – even if we do say so ourselves: click here to order
- our new diet planner is out now and utterly brilliant – you can order it here – thank you to everyone so far for the positive feedback!
Stay safe! Would love to know what your manky food combination is!
J
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