planner challenge: 2CCARGH – what really annoys you?

Another week, another planner post! Twas a long week last week so we didn’t give you a reacharound and for that we can only apologise, but I was beetling my hire car around Glasgow and, for the briefest of momenets, Liverpool, and my typing fingers were aching from yanking on an unfamiliar gear-stick. Forgive me.

Of course, Monday means a planner post! You may recall that we have a planner out – you can order it here – and part of that is a weekly challenge to get people talking. So, without delay, let’s turn to #2CCARGH!

I’m afraid we’ve gone for a contentious planner challenge choice this week, partly on the back of the grumpy post last week, partly because I’m currently a swirling vortex of anger but mainly because I love hearing what other people kvetch about. If one’s man’s meat is another man’s poison, then please, fill my hole with as much meat as you can. The smaller annoyances are the best, but if you feel the need to vent, you go for it.

As you can see, we’ve done made a graphic to go with it.

Paul’s annoyance is easy: he sucks air over his teeth whenever someone says ‘going forward’. He has a point: it’s a very rare thing in life to be able to work backwards, unless you’re solving a murder or disassembling a jigsaw to go to a charity shop. Mind regular readers will know that he also has a strop if I say thrice, which is a perfectly cromulent word, but he’s having none of it. It’s just one of those nonsense terms that means nothing to him, like me and ‘forsaking all others’ and ‘that’s a sharing platter’.

My complaint was going to be men who wear Joop because honestly, gentlemen, there’s no excuse to go around smelling like a unicorn fart warmed on a radiator, but that’s a matter of personal taste so I took it back. No, mine speaks to a wider annoyance which is troubling me at the moment: people who have chosen to wear their arseholeness as a badge of honour online. We’ve seen it recently in our facebook group: people being nasty for the sake of it. And it is beyond tiresome, it really is.

You know the people, too, because everyone knows at least one: people who say things like ‘I tell it like it is’ and ‘I don’t sugarcoat things’ and ‘honesty is the best policy’ and ‘if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best’ and other meaningless B&M inspiration-board twaddle. Those dead-behind-the-eyes anuses who delight in knocking people down and being the first to get in with some cruel aside because ‘it needs to be said’.

I genuinely hate it, and I say that as someone who loves a decent aside. I can think of maybe two people I know (and I don’t include myself in that trio) who are witty and quick enough to be able to deliver nuanced sassiness, because that’s exactly what it takes to be that scathing – wit. Wit, after all, is nothing more than an incisive observation humourously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing, and so many people fumble the ball. So many others are just being bitter because they think it’s a personality. It’s not.

I raised that very same point in our group and for the most part, people agreed, which is always a good sign that I’m not shouting into the void, however we did get a couple pointing out that it’s always best to be honest. Free speech and all that. Mmhmm. It’s an old analogy, but think of it like this: you get yourself dressed up all smart and ready to get your end away. A lady, we’ll call her Susan, passes you in the street and tells you that you look like a bag of shite.

Now: she’s entitled to hold that opinion. But does she need to share it? No. That’s the key difference here, and that’s what I truly hate: those who can’t help but be nasty. Being a shit for the sake of it holds no allure.

And ugliness always rises.

On that cheery note, over to you! We’d love to hear what really pisses you off. Do leave a comment on the usual social media guff!

Bit to do before signing off:

  • our slimming cookbook can be ordered online now – full of 100+ slimming recipes, and bloody amazing, with over 2400 5* reviews – even if we do say so ourselves: click here to order
  • our new diet planner is out now and utterly brilliant – you can order it here – thank you to everyone so far for the positive feedback!

Até mais


planner challenge: 2CCGUILTYPLEASURE – what’s your weird food combination?

You’ll need to forgive me: I had these queued up for last week but forgot to press the scheduler. No, if we’re truly honest, I went away for a week with my head full of magic and simply forgot. I know, I’m scum – subhuman scum. Look, it was an eventful week which culminated in me chain-eating blue raspberry sour laces on the drive home and then having a terrifying poo the next day when it looked to all intents and purposes like I’d shat out a Smurf. I tried to explain my terror to Paul only for him to fix me with one of those slack-jawed gazes that suggests the only reason he has a brain is to stop his skull collapsing in on itself and only then did I remember my fruity indulgence the night before.

And there, readers, is why you come to our blog, isn’t it? A blue poop story within the opening paragraph.

Anyway, hush your lips: the reason I have brought you all here tonight is not to discuss my cerulean-poo but rather it’s a planner challenge. Now, for those that div-nat-knaa, we have a planner out and it’s terribly sexy and will help you with your weight loss – you’ve just got to look for it! Part of the planner is the weekly challenges and this week I have chosen #2CCGUILTYPLEASURE – which is talking about what is your mankiest food combination. We’ve all got one – my ex-flatmate Mary for example used to like combining a dirty thick marrow with what looked like a grimacing oyster, and that’s why she’s not allowed down the allotment anymore.

We done made a graphic:

Here’s the thing: even if you don’t like Marmite, this is a taste sensation that works. Crunchy burnt toast, mashed sweet banana and just a little spread of Marmite. Actually, that’s a fib, I spread Marmite on in the same way one might tarmac a driveway, but you don’t need to go that far. I just like to feel alive.

Now in the spirit of sharing, a few other ones that I thoroughly enjoy but that make Paul gip into his sleeve:

  • tinned tuna fish mashed into baked beans – really mashed mind you, so you get a really thick stodge, then fried off with chilli sauce
  • salt added to black coffee – this came via Modern Family, although Gloria adds it to chocolate milk. I’m too much of a fat bastard to have chocolate milk but I tried it with strong black coffee and it was delicious
  • baked beans with two eggs cracked straight in, swirled around with chopped hotdogs mixed in – it genuinely looks like something that might fall off a diseased cow’s udders but by God it’s comfort food in a bowl

My husband Paul, being the prim and proper little bugger that he is, can’t think of any weird combinations that he puts in his mouth. If only he knew. He does sit and nibble stock cubes of an evening which in retrospect explains his blood pressure. That and living with me and my blue-poop-dramas and constant fiddling with his Spotify account when he’s at work. Do you have any ideas how many relationship-threatening arguments we have had because Billie Eilish keeps getting added to his favourites?

My friend Paul, himself a Sugar-Puff scented Refresher bar brought to fabulous life, has chimed in with ‘cheese and ketchup served in a cheap bread sandwich’ which, let’s be honest, is a pretty safe combination. What’s ketchup if not tomato chutney for the impoverished? What’s bread if not crackers left out in a steam room? I mean haway. I’ll not hold my breath for a second round.

Which is unlike me, admittedly.

On our facebook group we’ve had:

  • bananas, cheese and garlic pickle which I have to admit, sounds alright – but imagine the burps
  • hot cross buns coated with cheese, which is a delightful combination
  • jacket potato served with chopped gherkin, sweetcorn and salad cream – which apparently is ‘better than any dick I’ve ever tasted’ – I’m not saying I disagree, but as someone who has sampled enough of the latter to risk going blind from the inside, I know which I’d rather have in my gob
  • McDonalds fries into milkshake – I think this one is dirty, honestly, and I’m all for salty/sweet mix
  • my second favourite – onion ring crisps with a Malteaser popped on top like a fancy canapé – that tickled me

But my absolute favourite: potato salad and Bombay Mix mixed together, which I’m tenting in my knickers for. That sounds amazing! Off to go to Tesco to try this one!

Bit of admin before I clock off:

  • our slimming cookbook can be ordered online now – full of 100+ slimming recipes, and bloody amazing, with over 2400 5* reviews – even if we do say so ourselves: click here to order
  • our new diet planner is out now and utterly brilliant – you can order it here – thank you to everyone so far for the positive feedback!

Stay safe! Would love to know what your manky food combination is!


planner challenge: 2CCFRIDGERAIDERS – post your fridge selfie!

OK, a few days late, but we’re starting to get into the rhythm now. And listen, I’m told – as a flagrant homosexual – the rhythm method is the most reliable method out there. So let’s stick with it!

As you may or may not know, we have a planner out – and part of the planner, amongst the twenty-six fabulous recipes, colouring in, inspirational guff and bits and bobs, there are weekly challenges to keep you focused. The idea being that you let us see the results of the challenge, or you can search for other people’s ideas via the associated hashtag. We’ve completed four challenges so far – and shamefully only posted one – but in our defence we’re surrounded by the most handsome men you can imagine. However, concentrate James…

This week’s #2CCFRIDGERAIDERS challenge is to post a selfie of your fridge or cupboard when it is chock-a-block with everything you need to diet and eat healthily. Here’s our current fridge, another when it’s looked a damn sight better and a reminder that we have the best damn spice collection you can imagine.

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PLANNER CHALLENGE! This week's challenge is to show us the contents of your 'slimming' fridge. Well. We're fucked, because we're away from home. But damn, you can do it! Scroll through to see the good, the bad and the ugly!⁠ ⁠ SHOW US YOUR FRIDGE! #2CCFRIDGERAIDERS ⁠ ⁠ Our fabulous planner is available to buy on Amazon now! Excellent reviews and loads to do!⁠ ⁠ #twochubbycubs #weightlossjourney #fitfam #weightloss #healthyfood #healthy #leanin15 #fitnessmotivation #weightlossstory #fitnessjourney #weightlossmotivation #weightlosstransformation #weightlossgoals #slimmingworlduk #slimmingworld #slimmingworldjourney #slimmingworldfamily #repost #swfamily #fooddiary #slimmingworldfood #slimmingworldmotivation #slimmingworldmeals #slimmingworldlife #onplan #slimming #swinsta

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Just have a wee scroll through!

Our current fridge is a monument to our inability to really cook here at Chubby Towers Adjacent, though we’re currently trying Hello Fresh to try and keep us someway on plan. But that second picture, where the fridge is overflowing with goodness? It’s a SHAM! When we were being recorded for This Time Next Year, they came to our house two or three times to record our new journey. Now, I’m not saying we were told to make sure the kitchen looked healthy, but I’ve never bought more than one colour of egg in my entire life, and now we had a cock full of fancy eggs. The film crew wanted some shots of us opening the unhealthy fridge first, so to begin with it was rammed full of gorgeous, naughty things. They stuck a camera inside so that they could film Paul’s massive fat face reaching in for chocolate and my stuffed-with-Spam-hands clawing away at the beers. They then turned up a few months later to film us laughing gaily as we plucked at the celery and holding back the tears as we tried to pretend we weren’t dying inside as we cooed over eight different types of lettuce.

Worst part was that they filmed us talking through our healthy fridge and I honestly couldn’t tell them what half the things were. You see on the middle shelf those green knobbly things? I bought them at Waitrose because they looked relatively good for you. So, when I’m recording my piece to camera, they pluck one of those out and go ‘and what do you do with these’? I styled it out by coughing and asking for my line, and then a researcher told us they were cobnuts. Well, cobnuts are what I thought hung off your arsehair when you don’t wipe thoroughly, and if I’m honest, I’m still none the wiser.

I mean, the whole fridge is a nonsense: like I’d ever allow Paul to buy coke in glass bottles: I’m that tight with his money that I had triple glazing installed just so he wouldn’t hear the ice-cream van, for goodness sake.

So, think on: things aren’t always what they seem!

Bit of admin before I clock off:

  • our slimming cookbook can be ordered online now – full of 100+ slimming recipes, and bloody amazing, with over 2400 5* reviews – even if we do say so ourselves: click here to order
  • our new diet planner is out now and utterly brilliant – you can order it here – thank you to everyone so far for the positive feedback!

Stay safe! Would love to know what your guilty pleasure is in the fridge…