syn-free superfree piri piri pork chops with black rice

I appreciate it might look like Paul and I exist on tomatoes, corn and courgettes, but it’s sheer happenstance that we’ve had this type of meal a few nights on the trot. I’m growing courgettes in my back garden, which sounds like I’ve got piles, but no, real  courgettes, so we’ve got to use them up. Just a quick post tonight, because we’ve spent the entire day playing Forza Horizon 2 on the Xbox One (to the point where Paul’s finger has swollen up – he keeps pointing it at me like Alan Sugar does in The Apprentice. Thankfully, unlike Alan Sugar, Paul doesn’t have a face like a shaved ballsack, so I let him get away with it).

OK, the recipe!

your ladbroke grove looks turn me on

ingredients: four good quality pork chops – the meat is the star of the show, so don’t be a cheapskate – but here’s a tip. Pork is nearly always the one meat that gets reduced the most, so if you scrabble around in the bargain bins at the supermarket, you might find a perfect cut. We buy all of our meat from the butchers in Dobbies of Ponteland, and he’s fantastic. You’ll need a piri piri mix, lovies, onion, passata, chopped tomatoes, sweetcorn and sliced peppers. We chose black rice for this recipe but you could serve it with any old tosh. You can buy black rice from Sainsburys – it tastes a lot more nutty and chewy than normal rice, and doesn’t look great, but give it a go – once you’ve gone black, you’ll quite genuinely never go back. It really fills you up. Oh hush you.

recipe: dietise your pork – get all the fat cut off, and put it in the bin. Don’t give it to your cat, it’ll make them poorly. Seal it on a high heat, chuck it in a roasting tray. Slice up all your veg, olives and peppers, layer that on the top. Mix up the tomatoes, stock cubes, spices, water and passata in a jug, layer it over the top. Stick it in the oven for 30 mins. After 10 mins, get your rice away, and 5 mins before the pork is done, drain and let your rice steam a little. I tip it into a sieve and sit that over the drained water so it steams lightly. 2 cups of water/1 cup of rice ratio. Jamie Oliver taught me that via his book – and the big-tongued sod has never let me down. Serve.

extra-easy: yes – very much so. As long as you’ve trimmed off the fat, nearly everything in this recipe (bar the rice) is a super-free food, so it’ll be great as a boost. It’s also a piece of piss to make, just chucking everything in a roasting tray and setting it away.

top tips: as I mention, don’t cheap out on meat. It’s better to have one fat, succulent chop rather than two watery bits of shoe leather that smell faintly of Lisa Riley’s thighs. You can however go wild with the frozen veg – we buy bags of mixed peppers, mushrooms, onions and broccoli and never even blush.

As a final note before we go back to gaming, I apologise for the photography. I’m a decent writer, Paul is a great cook, but no matter what we do, our food looks like shite when we take a photo! Trust me, it normally looks so much better than it looks…

J

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