vegetable curry

I’ve done a bit of rejigging on the blog as I realised it was getting difficult to find all the recipes – so now if you’re looking for them, just click the category on the right and voila, all the badly realised comic-style recipes you can manage! 

Paul’s actually off down in London at the ‘Give Britain a Payrise’ rally. I work in the private sector so my eyes tend to glaze over when he goes on about rallies and protests, but fair play to the bugger for campaigning. Last time I told him to try and keep a low profile, and he ended up headlining the 1pm news with a soundbite about pensions. Even worse, the last time his place of work went on strike, he threw himself in front of someone’s car and called her a scab, without realising it was the Chief Executive inside. Oops. Anyway, he’s coming back home now and the latest text I got was ‘Missing you, dying for a shit’, which I don’t really know how to take but I’ll assume it was meant as a compliment.

I spent all morning lying in bed and willing myself to get up, but I didn’t quite manage it until 1pm. Which sounds lazy, but I’ve had a very long week and our bed is super comfortable. Actually, that’s a bit of a fib as I got up once and managed to moon someone putting a leaflet through our front door at the same time. I should explain. I got up for a wee and noticed the postman had been. We sleep naked, but the curtains were drawn so I went to the front door and bent down, completely naked, at the same time someone pushed a takeaway leaflet through the letterbox. Luckily our front door has that weird frosted glass in it, but I’m still fairly sure he got a damn good view of my tea-towel holder winking at him as I scrabbled to pick up the post. Ah well. This afternoon I decided to take it upon myself to go to B&M to find an elusive curry mix that Slimming World members go on about which is low in syns. Now, I’ve never been in B&M before, and well, goodness me.

Let me caveat the following by saying that I’m no snob, I don’t mind cheap shops and I don’t care how much something costs. But honest to god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many polyester-mix fleeces hung in one place. I’m lucky I didn’t come out of there sparking and jolting like Electro from Spiderman. I did, however, get the elusive curry mix – Mayflower Curry Sauce Mix, at 8 syns for 56g (which makes more than enough sauce for two people to have a curry). With this in my hot sweaty hands, and the smell of chip-pans and sour milk a mere memory, I set about making tonight’s meal – a vegetable curry.


This was supposed to be a chicken curry, but fate put the kibosh on that. I defrosted the chicken, had the audacity to leave the room for a minute to have a slash, only to find upon my return Bowser (our cat) munching his way through it, having dragged it out of the kitchen, across the living room and into his cat house. I was gone less than a minute, and the chicken was steaming hot. He must have been like bloody lightning, so I let him have the chicken and decided to ‘superfree’ the curry instead. He got a stern look and as a punishment, I won’t be turning on his water fountain tonight and he’ll just have to quench his thirst like a normal cat. I’m kidding, I’m far too in love with his button nose to do that.

ingredients: all the veg you see above, and really, anything you have spare. Pack it out with whatever you have left in the freezer, or tins, or fresh – we tend to buy a lot of stuff on the off-chance we’ll use it and then chuck it out, but don’t – throw it all in the curry. It’s a fantastic way of getting your superfree food quota, and this meal is easily over your 1/3 portion size rule. Serve with rice, or chips, or even on its own as a warming treat. It’ll certainly warm you again in eight hours or so.

recipe: cut up all your veg, add a dash of water, steam it until soft but not mush. The mushier the veg, the less nutrients, plus it’ll feel like you’re eating your dinner in a nursing home. To make the curry sauce, add 56g of powder to cold water, and start whisking. Turn the heat up to get the liquid to boiling, then whack it right back down to a very low heat. It’ll thicken in no time at all, but if you stop whisking, it’ll end up lumpy. Mix it up with the veg and serve with your side.

extra-easy: yes – though not syn free. the sauce is 8 syns for 56g of powder but then divided down into portion size, I reckon about 2 syns. This recipe would easily serve four. You’ve got more superfree food in here than you could shake a water-retaining finger at. Best of all, it really DOES taste like takeaway curry.

top tips: this would be made a lot more ‘takeaway’ by taking away a lot of the veg, and remaking it with cooked chicken, garden peas and chunks of onion. It could be made even more takeaway by flicking some fag ash and a few chest hairs in there, and having the ‘chicken’ squeak when you bite into it.

OK, anyway – enjoy. I’m off to shave off my beard. Sob!




8 thoughts on “vegetable curry

    • He probably just thought the Mitchell brothers had popped round and were filming a special in our hallway? Glad my post made you chuckle, and glad it isn’t just my husband with the smooth patter!

      • You need to write a book for slimming world you are a scream, I look forward to your comments as much as the recipe’s

      • Ha! I do try – thank you!

        I did write a wee ebook a while ago about my honeymoon with Paul, it’s on Amazon if you search for ‘Big Gay Honeymoon’! Warning, there’s a LOT of us in that one! Haha

  1. Ooft it’s so glad to see I’m not the only one who has such a comfortably odd and disgusting relationship! Except I’m more often the one sharing my bowel requirements.
    I’ve been tempted to brave b and m and get the illusive mayflower curry – I’m a Chinese curry fiend!!!!!

  2. Hey there! LOVE the blog, fair cheers me up when I’m sloshing about in a pool of dieting despondency. Love the recipes too. I make an almost syn free ‘Chinese’ curry sauce that’s really (in my not so humble opinion) good.

    ‘Chinese’ Curry Sauce

    Spray oil (1 syn for 5 sprays)
    Large onion chopped
    3 x clove garlic grated
    Approx 1 tblsp grated ginger
    Couple tblsp curry powder – hot or mild, your choice – I use madras
    ½ tsp Chinese 5 spice
    Teaspoon chilli flakes (if you like it hot!)
    Couple large potatoes, peeled and diced
    Large carrot peeled and chopped
    1L Stock – preferably chicken but veg would do

    In a large non-stick wok or saucepan, spray some oil and add the roughly chopped onion. Fry for a few minutes over a high heat until lightly browned and add the garlic and ginger. Stir around for a bit, lower the heat and add the curry powder and chilli flakes. Add more spray oil if it looks like it’s catching. Fry until you can smell the curry powder toasting and then chuck in the potatoes. Stir to coat in the spices and add the stock. Cook with a lid on until the potatoes and carrots are soft.

    Allow to cool and liquidize until smooth. I use a stick blender. If it turns out very thick, add more stock. If it is very thin boil to reduce a bit, but make sure it doesn’t catch on the pan.

    Spray a non-stick frying pan or wok with oil and fry another onion over a high heat until browned at the edges. Add to the sauce, and at this point you would add whatever you are going to serve it with – chicken, prawns, beef – and cook until the meat or fish of choice is cooked. Serve, with rice, SW chips, baked potatoes.

    Also good for a chips ‘n’ curry sauce fix with home-made potato wedges or SW chips!

    Thanks for the blog and the recipes, and I’ve got my big packet of meat coming on Monday. Can’t wait!


      • Marvelous! hope you enjoy it 🙂 This makes quite alot and it does freeze well, but you do have to whizz it with the stick blender after it’s defrosted as it can separate a bit and looks like curdled coo plap. Enjoy! 😀

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