weigh in – week six – a triumphant return!

Ladies and gents, your attention please. After a week of sticking to plan, ‘enjoying’ the super-speed soup for two lunches (and the subsequent chutney fountain that followed about three hours later), we have clawed our way back and…

Hooray! In a weird bit of symmetry, we both lost 4.5lb – and I hadn’t had my usual pre-meeting Douglas, so there’s probably another one pound ready to be sent to sea. This brings us neatly back on track – and – I got my stone award! Nothing says I’M A WINNER like an A5 card with ‘YOU’RE A WINNER’ on it. Actually, I quite like getting the stickers and certificates, because I’m enchanted by the pretty sparkly colours. The plan for this week is 2lb off each, which will bring our weight loss to 28lb – and who knows what I’ll manage to dig up to compare THAT against.

I’ll leave you with a tale from yesterday. Paul has a friend who was celebrating his 90th birthday, so naturally he volunteered me a couple of hours before the party to make a cake to serve 20 or so people with a Russian theme. Well, I really pulled it out of the bag – as the icing was from Dr Oetker and the candles from Sainsburys. Hastily, we arranged the cake, and Paul thought it would be a great idea to put NINETY BLOODY CANDLES in a star shape on the top. I told him to exercise caution. Paul, being Paul, ignored me, and decided to take the cake to the pub and light the candles using my cooks blowtorch because ‘it would be quicker than using a match’. Indeed it would. But ninety candles pushed together and lit with a blowtorch produces a giant flame unlike no other – and god bless him, he put it down in front of the ninety old man and told him to blow it out. I’m nearly 30 and thanks to a few years of dedicated, blessful smoking (I’ve seen stopped) I’ve got crap lung capacity and can barely blow the froth off a cappucino. So this 90 year old chap had no chance, and the entire cake went up in flames.

Oops. Still, think of the syns he saved…