spicy couscous balls with tzatziki

I feel better! Thankfully. My ears are still full but don’t feel sloshy anymore, which is a good sign. Shitting bricks about an upcoming flight though, worried my head will explode Scanners-style as soon as the change in pressure hits. Well don’t worry – I’ve got a month’s worth of archived posts to activate in my absence. Paul often jokes about death (me less so, as I used to suffer from health anxiety and all it takes is a gentle nudge sometimes and I’m away worrying), and says that when I die he’ll keep me on ice until he shuffles off, and then have us entombed together, with his leg over the top of mine, forever making me too hot in the sweet embrace of death.

Speaking of death, I finished Stephen King’s newest book, Revival. Blimey. Worth a read but what an ending. I do think there’s an odd stigma about Stephen King – people perceive his books as a bit trashy or low-brow, but he’s a genuinely skilled writer with a fantastic imagination. Well, except for The Tommyknockers, that was bobbins.

Here’s a snack idea. I made it last Saturday and was going to stick it online, but then Sudafed took me away.


to make spicy couscous balls with tzatziki:

Not worth making a full recipe breakdown for this, because it’s so, so easy. I use two packets of Ainsley Harriott’s spicy sensations couscous, which come in at 1.5 syns per pack made up with water (so don’t be adding butter, you cheeky buggers). Add the appropriate level of water (whatever it says on the pack) and leave to absorb. Fluff with a fork. Beat an egg and mix it into the couscous, then squeeze as many balls as you can out of the mixture. Pop onto a tray and stick it in the oven on 150 degrees for an hour or so – you want to ‘dry’ them out. Cooked low and slow, you’ll be laughing. For a dip, make tzatziki – greek yoghurt (I use Tesco Finest 0% fat – no syns) mixed with cucumber cut into tiny cubes and mint. Stir, chill, eat.

These are perfect little snacks – they’re very filling and by using the flavoured couscous, they actually taste good. And so easy to make! You could easily double up the ingredients, make a giant batch and take some to work – or even serve with a side salad for a light lunch.

Hey, you know, I spend a fair bit of time trying to make the food look presentable and putting it into the twochubbycubs’ style before it comes online. Well, there was no saving this. It’s the Slimming World pork pie. I found the recipe – basically, take a tin of Pek Gold, wrap it in bread (healthy extra), brush with egg, put it in the oven. Voila. That’s a pork pie. Well no, it isn’t, it’s an eggy ham sandwich, but by god I wanted it.

I got this far:


Eee, haway. At this point, I was so taken by the ridiculousness of it that I stopped taking pictures, but when it came out of the oven, it all fell apart and tasted exactly like hot pek with a bit of mustard on it. Even the cat turned his nose up, and he spends hours of the day licking his arsehole like he’s trying to put out a fire.

Someone more skilled made this – it doesn’t look too bad.


Ah well, can’t win them all!




10 thoughts on “spicy couscous balls with tzatziki

  1. Love these balls 🙂 PMSL at the eggy ham sandwich. I’ve been ill and stuck in the house for a full week with no adult interaction, only my three year old who is also poorly and your blog has been a life saver James. It has literally made me cry with laughter at times. I want to thank you for helping me to keep my sanity this week 🙂 xx

  2. I love reading your blogs as you make me laugh, and really cheer me up. My daughter is in remission from mouth cancer 43year old with 3 girls. And she has been brilliant even though she has had her throat cut from ear to ear, and half her tongue cut away. I have to be strong for her and her girls.But when I am in bed I get time to think. So I always read your blogs to take my mind off it. So thank you for the lovely recipes, and cheering me up.x

  3. THAT is exactly what my attempt at the pig pie looked like… my Golden Retriever Patrón wolfed it down and puddles on the floor with the deliciousness of it- maybe I missed a trick?
    Just off to do ‘the big shop’ so will buy some of Mr Ainsley Harriet’s delicious produce. (I can not BEAR him- he’s SO DAMN JOLLY!!)

  4. I’m going to try these balls tomorrow.
    Also, I think Stephen King is an accomplished, writer too. The films are trashy compared to his books, apart from The Shawshank Redemption.
    That was class!
    I love your recipes and the humour X

  5. Glad you’re on the road to recovery! I love your recipes but especially any with “balls” I love cupping them whilst making lewd comments and testicle jokes whilst my 22 year old daughter is trying to get her psychology dissertation done 😊

  6. Definitely going to try these! Can anyone tell me how long/well they keep please? Wanting to make them a couple days in advance but not if they won’t be any good. X

  7. I am so happy to have found your page. signing up right now.
    Your description of taster night at SW on another entry made me cry with laughter.
    Going to my first taster session this week and taking this receipe.
    Taking the piss out of some of the v odd SW recipes = brilliant
    Big discussion at my SW last week about mushy pea curry and pasty made with pease pudding 🤢

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