Very quick post tonight as I’m going to work (hooray) to do overtime (hooray) and we’ve still got all of our boring, humdrum Sunday chores to do – such as watching Judge Rinder, playing Trivial Pursuit and ignoring our ironing. Slight moment of excitement when a police van came tearing into the cul-de-sac before, displaying a flagrant disregard for the neighbourhood SLOW CHILDREN sign, which I’ve always thought was a very apt description of the snotty-faced little life-leeches that occasionally visit. Of course everyone was immediately up out of their armchair peering through their nets to see what the deal was. Tsk. So nosy. I of course had to take that moment to immediately nip into the back garden and try to listen in hang out the washing. I didn’t hear anything and no-one was arrested.

Upon my return, Paul pointed out that I’d dashed into the back garden in such a rate of knots that I was still wearing my Spongebob Squarepants onesie from ASDA, plus it was drizzling so not exactly outside drying weather – hardly the most subtle of moves. Ah well. I’m too fat to be subtle. Here’s today’s recipe – it tasted amazing considering it’s such a simple mix of ingredients. It would package up nicely for an office lunch so why not make double and take a few extra portions in throughout the week? Urgh I sound like Delia Smith or something. Don’t worry, I awkwardly shoehorn in a reference to ejaculate in the recipe, so we’re alright.

You could easily omit the bacon  from this salad recipe and go veggie. But I mean, we’re not animals here.

you’ll be needing these:

• 4 large sweet potatoes, cut into small 1cm cubes
• a couple of drops of olive oil
• 3 tsp of paprika
• 1 tsp of salt
• 1 tsp of cumin seeds
• 250g of bulgur wheat (substitute couscous if you prefer)
• Zest of one lime
• 1 tin of red kidney beans
• handful of chopped coriander, but feel free to leave this out if like me you think it tastes of soapy balls
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• a bunch of spring onions – cut up the green part as well as the white
• 6 bacon medallions
• 65g of reduced fat feta (cut into tiny cubes)

and you’ll need to do this:

• preheat the oven to 220 degrees celsius
• in a bowl mix together the potato cubes, 2 tsp paprika, cumin seeds and salt with a drop of olive oil (or Frylight if you prefer) and toss (the potatoes) until the potatoes are evenly coated
• spread the potato cubes out onto a foil-lined baking tray in one layer and bake for twenty minutes – turning halfway
• meanwhile, heat a large saucepan over a medium heat
• add a teaspoon of olive oil (or Frylight, if you prefer) and add the bulgur wheat
• leave for a few minutes, stirring regularly until it starts to crackle just very slightly
• add the lime zest and lime juice and 500ml water
• bring to the boil and add a little salt to your taste
• reduce the heat and cover the pan so the mixture simmers for about twenty minutes or until it’s cooked through
• chuck your bacon medallions under the grill to cook, then slice into little strips
• cut your feta into tiny cubes
• drain the kidney beans and rinse well under running water, getting rid of all that gunky kidney-bean pre-cum you always get from tinned pulses
• place the beans in a bowl and sprinkle with a teaspoon of paprika – mix until well coated
• add the cooked sweet potato, sliced spring onions and bulgur wheat to the bowl and mix.
• To put this all more succinctly: cook everything that needs to be cooked, prepare everything that needs to be chopped, mix in a bloody big bowl and you’re done.
• We dressed this with a quick dressing made from natural yoghurt, minced garlic and lime juice – but actually, it stands on its own very easily.

J