‘ello ‘ello.

No post last night because I was quizzing it again with the rabble – after deciding that ‘Bender and the Jets‘ was a cursed name, we switched it up and called ourselves ‘Puff and Bluster‘. We came mid-table, which wasn’t very nice for the barmaid to clean up. Use a dab of bleach love, it’ll thin it out. The best name of the night goes to ‘Quizlamic State‘ followed by ‘The Mad Twatters‘.

Next week we’ll be ‘Bruce Jenner-talia’ (of course) and then the ‘Menstrual Cycle Display Team’. Apparently calling ourselves ‘I wish this microphone was a big throbbing cock’ isn’t allowed as it would make the Quizmaster blush when he was reading out the scores. He’s a poor sport, not least because he doesn’t get dressed up like the Quizmaster from Sabrina.

Damn, I miss Sabrina. We had a black cat when I was growing up called Salem, who managed to sleep through being on fire. We had a coal fire and it would spit out sparks all the time – one such spark landed in his fur as he dozed in front of the fire, and we only realised what had happened when a flame appeared on his back and the air was thick with the smell of burning cat. We hastily threw a cup of tea (warm) at him, dabbed him out, and he just went back to sleep happy as larry. Not quite as dramatic as the time I threw a packet of cheap cigarette lighters on ‘to see what happened’ – let me tell you, it was like Hiroshima. He went on to live a long, uneventful life save for when he went missing for three months and returned with his hair so matted around his arse that we had to use a set of hair-clippers to get rid of his shitty tagnuts. We threw out the clippers afterwards. Hey it was unending glamour in our household!

Remember me waffling on a while ago that we’re active members of the Reddit Gift Exchange, where you send a random stranger (well not entirely random, they sign up for the service) a themed gift and another random stranger sends you something? It’s like a global secret santa and it’s GREAT fun. Hell, even I’m happy to take part, and I’m tighter than a astronaut’s arsehole. Anyway, this month’s theme was cookbooks, and we sent some nice Thai cookbooks off to a lovely lady down in Dorset and today we came back home to find a nice parcel waiting on the side. I say on the side, the cat had clearly decided the best place for it was on the kitchen floor so he could sleep on it. Which he did.

Turns out not only did we receive a charming Ching Chinese cookbook (her name, not me being all Bernard Manning) and a guide to Mexican food, but also – and I really think this is brilliant – a load of personal recipes that our Gifter had typed out and put in a binder for us! A mix of Scandinavian recipes that they’d found and even better, a collection of their own personal recipes! On top of that, a handwritten note saying how much they loved our blog (oh you!). I genuinely adore it – you all know how cynical I am – someone could give me a bunch of flowers and a cuddle and I’d be thinking is that they were trying to set off my hay-fever and/or bugger me – but this really touched me! IN MY SPECIAL PLACE. Thank you – massively – Jenny and Fox! We’re going to plan a Scandinavian themed week using your recipes as a thanks! 😀

GASP I’m all emotional. Let’s get some bloody dinner down wor pie-holes shall we. We were going to make pizza pies just to continue the theme of trying out what every fucker else is making but after the ‘sumptious’ steak bakes I really can’t be persuaded to try it. Perhaps I’m a little jaundiced by seeing 856 badly-focused photos of the bloody cheesy crusty things littering my facebook feed. Seriously my wall looks like a Google Streetview-tour of a burns unit.

So, Paul’s made gyros and roasted veg!

you’ll need these (makes easily chicken gyros enough for four)…

chicken gyros

• 1kg diced chicken
• 3 garlic cloves, crushed
• 3 tsp white wine vinegar
• 3 tbsp lemon juice
• 3 tbsp fat free greek yoghurt
• 1½ tbsp oregano
• 1 tsp salt
• ½ pepper
• 4 BFree Multi-grain gluten-free wraps (HexB for one)

roasted mediterranean vegetables

• 800g potatoes, cut into chunks
• 1 aubergine, sliced and quartered
• 1 red pepper and 1 orange pepper, deseeded and cut into chunks
• 1 red onion, cut into chunks
• 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1 tsp mixed herbs
• 4 garlic cloves, finely chopped

tzatziki

• ½ cucumber
• 250g fat-free natural yoghurt
• 1 tsp white wine vinegar
• 2 tsp lemon juice
• ½ tsp salt
• pinch of black pepper

salad

• 3 tomatoes, diced
• 1 cucumber, diced
• 1 red onion, diced
• handful of mint leaves, chopped

and you’ll need to do this…

• firstly combine all of the ingredients for the gyros (minus the wraps) into a large bowl
• cover and leave to marinate for at least two hours
• next, prepare the tzatziki – cut the cucumber in half lengthways and scoop out the seeds
• grate the flesh into a bowl and discard the skin
• add the rest of the ingredients and leave to rest for at least twenty minutes
• next, prepare the mediterranean vegetables by mixing together all of the ingredients
• spread out onto a single layer in a roasting tray, spray with a bit of oil and place in the oven at 190 degrees for around forty-five minutes
• whilst that’s cooking, mix together the salad ingredients and set aside
• when you’re ready, spread out the chicken onto a single layer and cook under a medium-high grill until well cooked, turning regularly
• finally, assemble your gyros by spreading the chicken, tzatziki and salad onto a wrap and roll

SEE IT’S THAT EASY.

J