date-wrecking asian garlic beef

Quick post tonight as we’re both knackered after our poor stay at the glamorous, salubrious Village Hotel just outside of Whitley Bay. We decided to spend a night there on the basis that “it can’t be that bad”, which is never a good reason to stay in a hotel. Now let me say this, I’m sure it’s lovely for weddings or it has rooms that blow the mind, but we were given a room that resembled Barbara Cartland’s bathroom, all bright colours and furnishings. The bed was that uncomfortable that we actually went for a drive at midnight as opposed to trying to sleep with the jizz-rusted springs digging into our back. We had a meal delivered by room service that was so forgettable I went for a bath halfway through my burger. It was very ‘god bless, they’ve had a try at least.’ I did feel bad for the room service people though – as soon as Paul ordered our meal I spent a good twenty minutes generously farting away under the duvet, with the effect that as soon as they knocked on the door and I barrelled to the bathroom, a veritable mushroom-cloud of trump went off in the bedroom. Paul tells me that the poor lass delivering our food physically blanched upon smelling, and I’m sure I heard her gagging away in the hallway.

You know what pisses me off though? The various ways they rip you off or let you down in places like this. For example, for £20, we could have been upgraded to ‘Upper Deck’ where such luxuries as Sky Movies and Starbucks coffee awaited. Choose not to upgrade, and your TV (I kid you not) picks up BBC1, BBC2, ITV, Channel 4, True Movies and Nickelodeon. Perfect if I want to watch the lass out of Cheers getting slapped about or Songs of Praise, but otherwise, fucking pointless. Not to mention the picture broadcast was so poor that I wasn’t entirely sure there wasn’t a tiny man behind the screen hastily drawing an approximation of what should have been on the screen at any given time. Why not just give us the normal TV channels rather than going out of your way to give a shit service? We had a drink in the bar – £13.50 for a gin (unbranded) and tonic (ditto) and a cider. I’m a tight Geordie, yes, but for that price I expect a hairy orchard-worker to come and squeeze my apples himself. Our room service cost £7 to be delivered (had they come in a taxi?) because we had two trays – fair enough, save for the fact that one of the trays held a tiny plate of cheesecake and could have easily been buried on the other tray. I’m surprised that they didn’t have the lift shake the coins out of our pockets as we checked out.

It’s foolish because all it does is create a shit impression – pay extra on top of your hotel stay and you’ll get what you paid for originally. It’s no surprise the hotel trade is dying on its arse with the likes of AirBnB chasing them – I’d sooner pay a flat rate and get everything than pay through the nose and then get asked for more.

Oh, and the coffee. I’d have got more taste and flavour if I’d pissed the bed and sucked it through the mattress.

Staff were lovely though.

So: recipe. I’m calling this date-wrecking because cor, it has a lot of garlic. Very mellow tastes though and it’s a good way to use up the beef strips like you get in, oh I dunno, our fantastic bloody deal with Musclefood? Remember? Forty quid of meat that you can enjoy all sorts of recipes with? Here, take a gander.

asian garlic beef

to make date-wrecking asian garlic beef, you’ll need:

  • 2 tbsp soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp lime juice
  • 1 tbsp fish sauce
  • 5 cloves of garlic, crushed (or even better, use a little mincer – no, not Paul, one of these)
  • salt and pepper
  • 500g of beef strips (or any beef, cut into strips)
  • 1 onion, thickly sliced
  • 1 pack of mushrooms – any you like, we used those exotic mushroom packs you get in Tesco
  • 2 spring onions, sliced

and then to make date-wrecking asian garlic beef, you should:

  • in a bowl, mix together the sauces and lime juice
  • in another bowl, mix together the garlic and 1 tsp pepper
  • season the beef with some salt and pepper, spray a large frying pan with oil/frylight, and heat to medium high
  • add the beef and mushrooms (FINALLY I UPDATED IT) and cook until browned, for about 1-2 minutes and then set aside on a plate
  • in the same pan, spray with a little more frylight or oil and cook the onion for about 2-3 minutes, stirring frequently
  • add the garlic and pepper paste and stir constantly for about thirty seconds – add a splash of water if it begins to ‘catch’
  • return the beef to the pan and stir well to combine
  • add the soy sauce mixture to the pan and stir until well combined
  • serve and top with the spring onions

We served this with greens, the recipe for which is coming tomorrow. What a tease!

Dead easy!




23 thoughts on “date-wrecking asian garlic beef

  1. You made me laugh out loud yet again! ( mushroom cloud of trump)
    As for room service…our recent experience was in Barcelona where due to a torrential downpour we paid €45.00 for two manky greasy small Margherita pizzas and barely warm chips! Yuck!

      • coughed out my tea but also managed to snort it up my nose at same time, and had real tears running down my legs!

  2. Love your site! Always nice to find someone with a sense of humor!
    The recipes listed are tantalizing, intriguing even, they make me want to diet! Could this plan be introduced quietly to a whole family? I am the weight bearer! And don’t want to continue the cycle.

    Is the plan in your opinion easy enough for a mom of 6 with a job to follow?

    Blog happy!

    • Ah cheers, that’s very kind of you to say 🙂 We reckon it’d be very easy to introduce! Our whole reason for starting this blog was because we were sick and tired of boring, bland, watery crap that we found elsewhere – we wanted to eat proper, decent, indulgent, filling food but that was also healthy and hopefully that’s what we’re able to offer! I’m hoping you’ll find plenty of recipes here for your family, and if you have any suggestions please do let us know, and keep us updated!

    • I am a working mum of 5 and they eat what I eat. Never had any complaints and everyone loves the sin free cheesy tater tots. Have lost 4.5 stones so give it a go.

  3. This was to die for!! First try tonight & my god my fella will not be coming near me for a week, I honk!! Love your blog guys. Thanks for helping me get skinny and not have to live on a soddening lettuce leaf for the rest of my life!! Keep up the good work ????????

    • Cheers! Glad you liked it, we had no idea this one would be so popular! One of my faves too, but sorry if we’re responsible for you not getting any 😉

  4. When did you add the mushrooms please? I added mine with the onions, as I had bog standard ( Not posh arsey ones) like you…….It tastes amazing……… are a star….. Just a quick thought do you guys not do puddings?

  5. Gonna make this tonight!!! Sounds so yummy even if my boyfriend wont wanna come near me for the rest of the night haha! Also gonna make the pulled pork tomorrow for my friend so I hope she likes it!! Thanks guys for making Slimming world a bit more bearable with tasty food and work time passing with the hilarious stories. I struggle to be inspired with dieting being far from home in sunny Australia!!

  6. Made this last night and it’s absolutely fab! Completely destroys takeaway cravings as far tastier than my local Chinese (although it is nicknamed “Sick Panda” for a reason). Can’t wait to try out more of your recipes!

  7. Hello,
    I am going to cook this for my partner in the week as we are both trying to give a go at slimming down and I found your site a while ago. I was just wondering what you’d recommend to serve with this? that would still make it syn free – I also have an allergy to Mushrooms so was going to go without but if you got any alternative suggestion I’d be happy to take them on board.

    • Let us know how you get on! We love to have noodles with this, or just some plain rice, or even just chips if we can’t be arsed! 🙂

  8. Hi definitely going to try this sounds gorgeous,do ya think could be done with chicken also as husband doesn’t like beef!! 😏

  9. Is there a receipe for the greens anywhere please. Made this last week for the first time and loved it. Thanks.

  10. Shit this was good!!! It’ll definitely be on repeat! And if I’m too tired, I’ll cook this rather than fake a headache..

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