one-pot sausage gnocchi bake

Recipe for sausage gnocchi bake below. You’re going to love it.

OK, so only a quick one tonight – and I’m not entirely sure we haven’t already posted this. But look, it doesn’t matter. It was wonderful, and frankly you can forgive me any old shite when I’ve covered it in melted cheese. Half of  our dishes come out of the oven looking like a burnt knee, but through the wonders of careful photography and judicious cropping, you just never know. Perhaps if I presented it on one of those fancy Slimming World plates you can buy, where someone has scribbled all over a nice white plate with some felt-tips to show ‘what you should eat’ – a concept immediately defeated when you then proceed to cover the plate with your dinner, I presume. I don’t understand the concept of drawing out ‘what I should eat’ on my plate. It’s the foodie equivalent to scratching the TV guide into the glass of your television screen.

Actually, I saw one of these plates advertised on a facebook group the other day and asked what she meant by ‘for show only’, given I was envisioning someone having it on their mantlepiece like a decorative clock or one of those god-awful ‘jumping dolphins rendered in plaster of paris’ statues that everyone had in the nineties. She advised me that it meant it couldn’t be washed or indeed, eaten off. To me, that breaks the two fundamental rules of a plate. It’s definitely not something you’d keep for best. 

Before anyone starts, I’m not knocking the lass for being entrepreneurial and flogging a few plates – all the very best and good luck to her! Nothing but chipperness for those who make their own way in the world.

But honestly, Paul, if you’re reading this, I’m telling you now: if I get a decorated plate, bloody chalk-heart board or a food diary with a cupcake and twattish inspirational message on the front for Christmas, I’m going to bite your cock off and set it on fire.

Speaking of nonsense items that I’d sooner throw into the sun than have in my house, we seem to be locked in a battle of wills with our local Kleeneze distributor. Every few weeks he pushes a tatalogue of nonsense through our door with the passive aggressive note that he’ll be back within a few days to pick it up. We immediately put it somewhere out of sight so we don’t succumb to temptation and end up buying all manner of plastic shite for the kitchen or a portable urinal. A portable urinal for men. Haway. The WORLD is a portable urinal when you’re a guy. Fair enough a shewee allows a lady to have a dainty tinkle instead of grunting around a ditch squatting like a shitting rhino, but a male version? I once, in my more athletic and skinny days, pissed out of a moving car because we were late for a ferry. Don’t worry, we weren’t boarding the ferry at the time. And I wasn’t driving. Dangerous when I think about it – an errant branch whipping into my knob at seventy miles an hour could have really changed how my life turned out. 

Anyway, he always ends up knocking on the door and asking for his tatalogue back, and thus begins a hunt for the offending item and a request that he doesn’t deliver to us anymore. But he never listens. Each time we spend a bit longer looking for it, but he still doesn’t get the message. I’m not enough of a bastard to rip the catalogue up (plus our shredder is on the blink – I wonder if Kleeneze sell those awful scissors with four blades that ‘replace a shredder…maybe I should look…just once) – after all, it’s someone’s business, but I’m telling you now, if it continues, I’ll be putting a VERY passive aggressive terse note on their facebook page. It’s the very British thing to do. He needs to be careful – remember we’re always naked in this house (seriously, it’s like the video for Sweet Harmony by The Beloved viewed through a heat shimmer), next time he does it I’m going to put the offending tatalogue in my bumcrack and poke it around the door.


Ah well. Listen, here’s tonight’s recipe, before I get carried away. This makes enough for four if you’re serving it with a side, or two geet big fatties like us.

sausage gnocchi bake

to make sausage gnocchi bake you’ll need:

  • 6 sausages, casings removed (you can use the Slimming World sausages if you MUST, but why not save them for what they’re really for – sucking every last bit of moisture from the air and summoning evil? Bloody awful things. GO TO MUSCLEFOOD INSTEAD MAN)
  • 400g gnocchi (6 syns, so between four, 1.5 syns)
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
  • tin of chopped tomatoes
  • 1 tsp mixed herbs
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • 75g Quark
  • 140g light mozarella ball (HexA x 2)

to make sausage gnocchi bake you will need:

  • heat a large non-stick frying pan over a medium-high heat, using a bit of oil or your Frylight
  • add the gnocchi and fry gently until the sides are golden – keep them moving though, they can catch easily. This will take about eight minutes or so, then remove from the pan and set aside 
  • in the same pan, add the garlic and the sausage meat and cook until browned – remember to keep breaking it up (a masher works well for this) and then remove from the pan and set aside – I like to put it in the same bowl/plate as the gnocchi to keep it warm
  • in the same pan again add the diced tomatoes, mixed herbs, salt and pepper and cook for about seven minutes, stirring occasionally until it’s thickened down
  • reduce the heat and add the quark to the pan, as well as the gnocchi and sausage meat and stir well to mix
  • scatter the mozzarella over the top and keep on the heat until it has melted – you can also put it under the grill for a little bit if your pan can handle it to get it nicely browned and bubbling
  • serve

DONE. If you’re a fan of gnocchi and you’re as surprised as we were that you can have it on Slimming World, why not give our amazing ham, cheese and pea gnocchi dish a go? OH YES.



22 thoughts on “one-pot sausage gnocchi bake

  1. Amazing blog, really well constructed and very useful clearly very talented in many areas. Shame about all the bad language, no need for it guys, you’ve lots of good things to say without spoiling it, it’s a huge turn off for me and makes me slightly distrustful hence anon.

    • I’ve been thinking about this for a bit.

      Ultimately, I make no apologies for swearing. It’s part of my writing – I’m not here to do a purely Slimming World blog, I’d lose interest quicker than you can say HOW MANI SYINS HUN

      Yes, swearing is unsavoury to some, but I find the insipid, cloying, overtly-sweet language so often used in food blogs to be banal and false.

      But, that’s the joy of being an adult. We can all appreciate different things 🙂


      • I find the language funny and the swearing good and light hearted. Keep up the awesome blog, it’s the best bloody SW food blog around ?

      • I say keep up the sin (without the ‘y’!), sauce, sexiness and swearing!

        You’re in good company… I had the pleasure of meeting Delia Smith back in the 90’s and she was surprisingly sexy and flirty! I mean… a good feed and a good fuck in either order is not to be passed up! But I’m sure you guys already know that…


  2. I didn’t add the garlic because it’s not in the method. Where should it be added. Only just realised as I put it under the grill. Haha.

    Regardless I can’t wait to eat it. Giving your campfire stew a try tomorrow!

  3. I would love to try this but am confused as to whether I should do my gnocchi in boiling water ( mine is vacuum packed) first before following your instructions.

  4. Since finding your blogs I have never eaten so well! There’s only so many tuna salads I can take to work before dreading lunchtime! I love reading your blogs they are so funny and I think if you stopped the swearing it wouldn’t be you, if you know what I mean. My favourite recipe so far is the turkey meatballs with that smokey sauce, made jars of it and put it in the fridge it’s gorgeous!!

  5. If you didn’t swear so beautifully and in such variety I’m pretty damn sure I wouldn’t read your blog!! Love your writing – you guys are eloquent and funny as fuck!! xxx

  6. Going to try this recipe it looks tasty. As for the slimming world sausages they are awful. I bought some skinny sausages from Aldi yesterday and they are nice and not dry. They would be great for this recipe. Keep up the good work this is the longest I’ve been on my diet thanks to your recipes

  7. I fry the gnocchi in firelight, it gives it a wee bit crunch… I’m scottish so it tastes like wee tattle scone bites…. a bit hit in our house (2 adults and 4 kids) i also substitute the quark for a spoonful of philly light, because, well quark is just fucking disgusting haha!! Keep up the good work boys!! x

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