veggie ploughman’s burgers plus mojito water

Super quick post tonight of two recipes – a veggie ploughman’s burger made from all sorts of speed food plus mojito water, which is rather a grand name for some fancy water with lime and mint added. No alcohol sadly, sorry, you’ll have to go back to that bottle of schnapps you keep hidden in your handbag. We all know.

Part of the reason for such a short post, aside from the fact that you’ve had rather a long run from us lately, is because I want to do some research into laser eye surgery. I hate wearing glasses, I truly do, and you know I went about four years thinking the world was going slightly quicker than I was due to all the blurring. I thought Paul was Puerto-Rican until that first fateful visit to Vision Express. It’s such an expensive habit, and don’t tell me I can buy glasses cheaply online – I did it once, and it went very wrong. See, I put in all the measurements that I had on my prescription, accounted for my weird astigmatism and chose a delicate black frame. The pair that turned up were exactly as I ordered, bar the fact they were about 50% too small for my elephantine head. It looked like I was wearing a pair of pince nez or fancy-dressing as Harry Potter looking into one of those concave mirrors that posh folk have at their end of their drives to check for tractors.

Of course, being a tight fucker, I wore those glasses for a good six months before Paul stopped going anywhere with me and made me change them, and the expense (and discomfort during eye-tests) has never stopped since. That in itself wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t forever cleaning the fucking things – it seemed I just need to blink three times before the lenses look like someone has rubbed a block of Trex onto them and swept a chimney. I spend more time making sure I can see clearly than actually looking where I’m going. 

Laser eye surgery though…I’m on the fence, because although the benefits would be clear vision and no need to pay for glasses, I know for an absolute concrete fact that it’ll go wrong. I’m a catastrophic thinker – I can’t open a christmas gift from a beloved relative without worrying I’m going to papercut through my jugular with the gift-tag or have a massive cardiac arrest from the surprise of a Radox gift set. So yes, it’s bound to go wrong Final Destination style, with my eyeballs being turned into burnt cornflakes and me destined to spend my life alone in the blackness listening to All By Myself and wailing. Bah. Suppose I could get a nice dog out of it though…

Anyway, enough of me. Let’s start with the veggie ploughman’s burger. This recipe makes enough for four burgers, so where I’ve put HexA, that’s for one slice of reduced-fat cheese. Don’t be a piggy. I’m not normally a fan of vegetarian burgers but this not only held its shape but also tasted decent, unlike the usual farts and sadness.

veggie ploughman's burgers

to make veggie ploughman’s burgers, you’ll need:

  • 4 wholemeal rolls (1 HexB each)
  • 1 large tin of chickpeas, drained thoroughly
  • 150g broccoli florets
  • 1 large carrot
  • 1 egg
  • 3 medium mushrooms
  • 25g panko (5 syns) (or use ordinary breadcrumbs, maybe blitz a small bun, but syn accordingly)
  • handful of chopped coriander (not a fan? You can’t taste it)
  • 1 apple, sliced
  • lettuce
  • 4 slices of reduced-fat cheese (HexA)
  • 2 tbsp pickle (Branston is 1 syn per tbsp) (so half a tablespoon per burger, or leave it out)

These actually come to 1.7 syns, but for goodness sake. 1.5 syn each.

to make veggie ploughman’s burgers, you should:

  • preheat the oven to 200ºc
  • grate the broccoli and carrot together into a large bowl (this is a great gadget for the job)
  • making sure your chickpeas are thoroughly drained – and listen, I mean this, get them bloody dry), pour them into a food processor along with the mushrooms and pulse until you get a smooth paste
  • scrape the chickpea mixture into the bowl with the carrot and broccoli, add the coriander, panko and egg and stir well to mix until you can form a large ball
  • spray a baking sheet with a little frylight and divide the mixture into 4 and press into a burger shape
  • spray with a bit more frylight and bake for about 15-20 minutes each side
  • when cooked, serve in the bun with whatever other toppings you’d like – we used sliced apple, pickle, lettuce and cheese, hence the ploughman’s link, see. Just out of shot on that photo is some little pickles in a bowl which, just like rocket on any dinner ever, got put straight in the bin.



It’s not a food recipe, no, but remember when we did those flavoured waters back in the summer? Well, I thought we could pick that up and based on the amount of Slimming World folk putting on facebook that they, er, how to put this delicately…are having trouble negotiating the release of the hostages (i.e. they can’t shit), I thought I’d find a natural remedy. Well, apparently fresh mint helps with the digestive transit so with this delicious water, you’ll be back to plopping in no time. 

mojito water

Pretty simple! Combine a load of ice, fresh chopped mint and fresh chopped limes in one of those fancy drink dispensers. Pick any one you like from this page, they’re all good, but mind the cheaper ones are prone to leaking. Want some more ideas for flavoured waters? Have a look back over the following links and laugh yourself silly – plus, lucky for you, you’ll find three SP week food recipes on each of these links too! WOW RIGHT OMG.





12 thoughts on “veggie ploughman’s burgers plus mojito water

  1. Ive had laser eye surgery.
    Good points? I didnt need glasses for a few years and it was AMAZING being able to see so clearly.
    Bad points? Hazing at night when driving so my night vision is now poorer than it was before plus I need to wear glasses again

  2. Laser eye surgery… BEST THING I EVER DID! I was a smidge away from qualifying for NHS assistance my eyesight was so poor and when the optician told me I had to take a break from contact lenses that was it. I looked like a mole in glasses (I was desperately short sighted) and the thickness of the lenses…I shudder now to think about them. I did have to have two lots of lasering (there was a lot of correction to be done) but that was 9 years ago and I have not worn lenses or glasses since. Yes, I worried about the potential side effects (reading the paperwork is scary) but honestly, the risks are infinitismally small and the benefits far outweigh the risks. I have never looked back *looking forward with perfect vision* ?

  3. James I had laser eye surgery in 2007 with Ultralase. It was expensive, I could have got it cheaper but thought you probably get what you pay for! Anyways, best money I ever spent, 8 years on and had an eye test last month, still perfect ?

  4. Love the recipe but please don’t have laser eye surgery! I’ve worn glasses and contacts for ages because a friend who is an optician once told me that a) An optician would never have it done and b) You will always end up wearing glasses anyway!! Embrace the frame and wear with pride!! ps Soft contact lenses are ok for nights out.

  5. I had lazer eye surgery in 1996 and it lasted about 10 years. I was warned that sometimes over time the eyes ‘heal themselves’ back to what they considered normal – in my case short-sighted. Personally I wouldn’t do it again. The pain for me was extreme – felt like birds had pecked out my eyes. But I know some people who were at work next day so I think this is different for everyone. I’m back to spec savers.
    I’m amazed that some SWers are having trouble releasing hostages. I eat so many baked beans I’m as regular as anything and windy to boot but it’s working…

  6. 3 words – Moorfields Eye Hospital. They are your eyes FFS – do not go entrusting them to some superannuated beautician in the Metro Centre – get yourself a qualified eye surgeon. I am saving up for mine x

  7. WoW just LOVING your blog. Your posts appeal to my naturally warped sense of humour… PMSL! Thanks for all the fab recipes. With regards to your eyesight have you ever considered those contact lenses that you leave in and only change once a month? I’d be lost without mine, especially as I love baking and opening the oven with glasses on is like me playing gorillas in the mist. Anyhow just a thought. Thanks so much for sharing your phenomenal talent for writing.

  8. James…. although a little more expensive I agree with Moorfields Hospital (checkout mr Vincent Maurino). My son had laser surgery last October on left eye to sort out astigmatism which was making him squint… he works at a computer all day. He may have to wear reading glasses in later life, he’s 40 now. He wishes he had it done years ago. He had it done in his lunch hour, didn’t feel a thing and had abs no ill effects.
    On the strength of his experience hubby and I have both just had REFRACTIVE LENS REPLACEMENT done on both eyes. Same consultant. 6 weeks now and going good. We won’t ever need glasses again. Having worn glasses since I was 11 you can imagine what a treat this is. Go for it.

  9. Me again, I had laser eye surgery at least 15 years ago. My glasses prescription was -7.5 and my distance vision is still perfect. Closer vision needs reading glasses but I’m, cough, a little older than you are.

    Love the blog, have all three books and I annoy the hell out of my husband by laughing out loud (a lot) when he’s trying to watch the tele. Orst time though was in January when I was full of cold (man flu) and coughed for a fortnight until he pleaded with me to stop reading.

  10. Laser eye surgery things they DON’T tell you beforehand in a nutshell –
    1) you can smell your cornea vapourising during the op
    2) it hurts like hell afterwards.
    3) you have to wear daft cups taped over your eyes at night to stop yourself rubbing them in your sleep.
    You mustn’t rub them in the day, either, of course. Women are at an advantage here because we are trained not to do that when we start wearing make up. 🙂
    4) the hazing at night is annoying
    5) you must not get water in your eyes at all for a few weeks afterwards, so plan for greasy hair and spots for a while.

    BUT, I actually had it done TWICE, so it can’t have been that bad the first time, can it? (My prescription was so
    high they couldn’t do it all in one go accurately.)

    Afterwards, I almost crashed my car multiple times due to being rapt about being able to see *every* leaf on a tree.
    It was AMAZING! I loved it. It was worth every penny and the pain.
    If you can stand the pain, go for it!

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