sweet potato and spinach beef bowl

The recipe for sweet potato and spinach beef bowl is just beneath the next few paragraphs of waffle about the cats. Why the cats? Well – we’re getting a lot of charming comments about our cats now that the blog is growing and I thought I’d mention them, not least because Sola has turned into a filthy slut. Let me explain. 


This is Sola.

She’s very much a ‘get the fuck out of my face, feed me when I ask and if I want to shit on your pillow, by god I’ll do it’ sort of gentle, lovely cat. She’s not a fighter either – we never see her scrapping with other cats, though I suspect if she could work a Zippo with her paws she’d be the type to burn their house down instead. In short, she’s unpleasant and we’d barely see each other. We might pass a glance to one another when she’s not busy showing me her bumhole when I wake up but that’s about the limit of our interaction. Just lately though things have changed – she’s been all over us, meowing and purring and rubbing against our legs – fair enough, have a stroke, yes yes. Then she started ‘presenting’ – lying down with her back legs up showing off her pink-panther. It’s incredibly creepy. We had a vet check her over just in case she’s managed to grow herself a uterus in the last ten years and is dying for some cat-cock, but no, she’s very well and content. 

So, onto Google – and we found what we think is the answer. Some cats like to be spanked. Not in a sexual way, I can’t imagine she’s going to turn her cat house into a red room and install tiny feline whips and a Whiskas-logoed crucifix, but because there’s a lot of nerves along their back they like the feel of a smacked side. See?

Now before anyone calls the RSPCA on us, we don’t pat away at her like we’re trying to put out the flames on a Christmas pudding. Plus, you know, these cats have their own shed to go into if it’s too cold. We certainly don’t utilise utensils like the above chap. But the cat goes absolutely mental for it – purring, running around, meowing like mad if you dare stop. Once she walks off, that’s game over, but honestly, we’ve never seen her so content. Christ, is our house really so perverse and unholy that even the cats are kinky buggers?

Well, Bowser sure as hell isn’t.


This is Bowser, before he had a good chunk of his right ear torn off by another cat.

As an experiment, we tried a gentle tap on him, and he promptly attempted to deglove Paul’s hand, which is unusual given how bloody soft he normally is. I can’t say he’s a lover not a fighter because all he does when he goes outside is fight with other cats. I’m tempted to modify his cat-flap so that when he exits ‘Eye of the Tiger’ plays and sets him up for a scrap. I reckon he’s got one full ear left and every time you stroke him you find another scab or cut. He feels like a hair-covered Weetabix. At night though he’ll mew outside our bedroom door until we let him come in, at which point he normally gets up on the pillows, crawl under the duvet and falls asleep curled up next to Paul’s quivering arse. That to me seems counterproductive – it must be like trying to sleep behind the fan on an out-of-control hovercraft, only with the smell of eggs and death blasting up your nostrils instead of sea-air. Still, he seems content enough, even if he comes out in the morning with brown foam on his lips.

Ah, aren’t they just a treat. Anyway, come on, let’s get to tonight’s meal – sweet potato and spinach beef bowl. It’s genuinely easy to make, uses only a handful of ingredients and is full of taste. Makes technically enough for four, but we ate it all between the two of us. Fat fuckers!

sweet potato and spinach beef bowl

to make sweet potato and spinach beef bowl, you’ll need:

to make sweet potato and spinach beef bowl, you should:

  • cook your sweet potatoes for an hour or so, until they’ve softened but haven’t turned to mush – leave to cool then then peel and cut into large chunks about the size of a thumb, though please, don’t put your thumb in the dinner, I know where you’ve been sticking it
  • chop up your onion, of course, and mince your garlic, and sweat them gently in a pan with a drop of oil or a few squirts of Frylight – if you want to add chopped peppers or peas, chuck them in here
  • throw in a tablespoon of fish sauce, a good twist of black pepper and salt, put in your mince once the onion has gone golden and cook that mince on high until it is brown and cooked through – I crumble an Oxo cube on for extra flavour but do that towards the end of cooking otherwise it makes it difficult to see how well the mince is cooked, and I don’t want the blame if you’re stuck in the shitter firing the chocolate laser all night
  • take it off the heat, empty your bag of spinach into the pot and put a lid on for a few minutes – the steam will wilt the spinach making it easier to stir, though you might need to shift the pan back onto a low heat and stir the spinach through when you can. Or do it in batches. Come on, it’s not rocket science this
  • chuck the sweet potato cubes in and stir the lot to get everything mixed together
  • serve with more pepper or a few drops of Tabasco sauce as above

That’s it! You could add more speed veg if you wanted to, but I see this as a very healthy meal and very easy to make – one pot to clean and quick to prepare, save for the time spent waiting for the sweet potatoes to cook. Use that time wisely – clean the kitchen, spank the cat or just play with your boobs. It’s your life, live it.




19 thoughts on “sweet potato and spinach beef bowl

  1. Shoot me if its a silly question but do you bake or boil the sweet potato? Can’t wait to try this looks lush!! ?

  2. How do you feel about speed food ? It confuses me, I mean, if I have cooked a delicious meal like this, which quite obviously contains “speed food” – would you then add MORE vegetables ? That’s what I don’t get. This looks enough of a plateful already, why would I add more and risk spoiling the balance of existing ingredients? Yet I feel guilt ridden and sense the horrified expression of my consultant at my shoulder if I don’t. A bit like those old cartoons where are vulture stripped cow skull would moan ” you’ll be sorryyyy” ….

  3. Just discovered your site last night while looking for inspiration before I re-join this coming week and I bloody love you!!
    Hubby doesn’t understand why I am chuckling so much reading recipes.
    Loving the cat antics – we have 2 house cats Lola & Percy.
    Actually looking forward to getting back on the Slimming World wagon now.

  4. What a fantastic blog. I’m hooked. Who’d have thought reading recipes could be fun. The only down side for me is i’m having a job understanding the syn business (never been to slimming world). Could you list the foods that are syn, good, can eat loads of what i’m wanting to know is ………….how to eat healthy. Had an age related MOT at the doctor’s and ok but want to get rid of my belly. I’m totally ignorant, never been on diet.
    If there was someone like you two running a class i would be the first in the queue.
    I’ve sent this site to a friend (skinny friend) to read as its so so entertaining.

    • As a basic start (and I probably shouldn’t give away the secrets really), you should be looking to fill your plate with a minimum of 1/3 “speed food” (vegetables and fruit etc), and 2/3 “free food” (free includes pasta, beans, rice, potatoes, lean meats and fat free dairy). It is important to understand why the foods are given these classifications to understand what is syns and why you can play with the balance of free and speed.
      Speed foods are very filling and contain a small number of calories per portion. Free foods have more calories per portion, but the “filling-ness” of them is important.
      You can play with the balance to have more speed and less free food if you want to lose weight quicker.
      Beans, peas, sweetcorn and pulses are all free when cooked without fat.
      The final thing to consider is the syns. These are generally the kinds of things that are traditionally bad for you – sugary drinks (including fruit juice), sweets, chocolate, crisps, bread, cake, fat (including butter, oil and cheese), and any food cooked in lots of fat. You should minimise these as far as possible, and even by cutting them out, you will do yourself a lot of favours. 15 “syns” are built in each day to support your diet, because depriving yourself of every little pleasure in life is miserable, and
      There is one additional component that is important to help you stay healthy, these are called “healthy extras” and are used to ensure that you get the right amount of calcium and fibre to keep you going. I can’t list them all here, because the list changes often and is extensive. You should look to consume fibre rich foods daily (you need the equivalent of 2 weetabix worth of fibre each day, although some of this comes from speed food), the calcium required is roughly the same as 250ml semi-skimmed milk or 35g cheddar cheese. You should watch to make sure that your fibre allowance isn’t too sugary (for example, granola is often “syns” because it’s cooked with lots of honey or syrup).
      This is the very basic basis of how slimming world works, but if you want to be successful in it, I really recommend that you join a group. The support of others is very encouraging, and you will stay more motivated if you have to step onto the scale every week.

  5. just found your web page, me and the wife have both lost 2 1/2 stone but we have plateau’d and you have given us the inspiration to get going again with your recipes we have just finished sweet potato and spinach beef bowl although I didn’t have any fish sauce so used soy sauce and Worcester sauce and really enjoyed it so will try again with fish sauce! just another 349 to try Thanks for all the work you have put into your blog it is appreciated.

  6. Hi
    Love the page.
    Can this be done in the slow cooker and do you bake the potatoes as they are or in foil ?
    Also I’m useless with fresh garlic and we don’t likanything too garlicky
    How much garlic powder or something would equate to fresh pls ?
    TIA xx

    • Cheers! Not sure about the slow cooker, but if you try it will you let us know if it works? Ta! For the sweet potatoes we just put them in the oven – no foil or owt.
      Garlic powder – about half a tsp is one clove 🙂

  7. Really liked it, apart from the fish sauce.
    I friggin’ hate the stuff, the stench makes me gag for a start…
    I’m sure I could substitute it with Worcestershire sauce…
    I went a bit gung-ho with the spinach too and now have the bowels of an old dog.
    Thanks x

  8. I made this for the first time tonight and everyone loved it. The fish sauce was abit smelly but as you said, you can’t taste it. We will definitely have this again.

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