loaded wedges and philly cheese steak sliders

Yep, you’re getting two recipes for the price of one with this post for loaded bacon and cheese wedges  and philly cheese steak sliders. We’re really spoiling you lately. Least you could do is show willing and buy my ruddy book or a meat-box! Haha.

I’m in a bit of a huff tonight, if I’m honest. Came home to find a big bill waiting for me on the doormat. Normally I never say no to bending down for a Big Bill but this one was our council tax and it’s fucking £1700! What the hell for? They’ve turned off our street lights, driving on the roads feels like I’m playing Moon Patrol and they only pick up the bins when there is a full solar eclipse. There’s more chance of me getting pregnant than getting a book that doesn’t have Katie Price on the front cover out of our local library and if you fancy a stroll in the park, best get used to the dogshit and litter billowing around your feet like the shittiest version of the Crystal Dome. I don’t know why they don’t push all the dog-sausages into the fucking potholes in the road, at least that way I wouldn’t get out of the car with my neck canted a forty-five degree angle from being clattered off the roof of my car.

MOAN MOAN MOAN. But seriously, it would be a bloody welcome change if they said oh James, you work hard, here, enjoy your wage to do whatever you want with it, instead of grasping it out of my cold, cruel hands. I’m paying into a pension and being sensible by saving, but what’s the use? So when I get to seventy the Government can take away my house and stick me in a care home? Fuck that. We’ve already decided that when we get to seventy, if we’re both alive and capable of getting lob-ons, the house is getting sold and we’re getting two lithe twenty year olds to rub our bunions and change our oxygen tanks. BAH.

I might start a go-fund-me accompanied by a picture of Paul looking sadly into middle-distance and footage of me looking through photo albums. Maybe.

Can I just take a second to remind you of something? We have a list of every recipe we’ve EVER done right here. I worry that some people don’t know where it is. Use it, it’ll serve you well!

Anyway look, let’s get to the real reason you’re here. These recipes make enough for four. Each recipe is syn free if you use the appropriate HEAs and HEBs. If you have both of them at the same time, syn the cheese on the wedges – 40g is one HEA or 6 syns, so at most it’ll be 1.5 syns per portion. It’s syn free if you don’t combine the burgers and wedges. I’m just being a slut.

This recipe has had a makeover and a new calorie count – click here to be taken to the new version!

 loaded bacon and cheese wedges

to make loaded bacon and cheese wedges, you’re going to need:

  • ‘wet’ potatoes, like Maris Piper, as many as you dare
  • a few squirts of olive oil spray (0.5 syn for 7 squirts)
  • one beef oxo cube
  • packet of bacon medallions (we used half a pack from our Musclefood freezer filler, because it doesn’t disappear to nowt – proper tasty bacon)
  • spring onions
  • lighter mature cheese (40g or one HEA)
  • optional: hot sauce if you want it

to make loaded bacon and cheese wedges, you should:

  • cut each potato in half, then cut into each half in a ‘v’ shape, so you’re dividing each half into three triangular wedges – or you know, don’t fuck about and just cut them how you like
  • tip them into a bowl, sprinkle over the oxo cube and oil, and shake the buggers so they’re coated in a bit of stock cube and oil
  • put them into an oven for 30 minutes or so to colour and soften
  • meanwhile, fry off the bacon in small chunks, slice the spring onion and grate the cheese (remember, one of these makes that cheese allowance stretch further)
  • check your wedges – if they’re nearly done, take them out, scatter the bacon and cheese and spring onion over the top, and put back into the oven until the wedges are done and the cheese is crispy and delicious
  • serve
  • best get a defibrillator ready, just saying

If you’re looking for something to serve it with, these tiny sliders (fancy word for little ‘burgers’) will do the trick. There’s no speed food on your plate, but fuck it. If you don’t tell Mags, nor will I. This was our treat night after all. Jeez.

philly cheese steak sliders

to make philly cheese steak sliders, you’ll need:

  • a big white onion
  • a big green pepper
  • one slice of Swiss Gruyere (we buy ours from Waitrose) – 5 syns for a 25g slice, or a HEA
  • a suitable breadbun for your healthy extra allowance
  • 120ml of beef stock
  • packet of beef strips (I promise I’m not deliberately over-advertising but we genuinely used our beef strips from our Musclefood freezer filler, and they were tasty as all outdoors)
  • lots of black pepper

to make philly cheese steak sliders, you should:

  • cut your onion into decent slices, same with the pepper
  • soften them in a dot of oil, a few sprays of olive oil or even better, a few drops of Worcestershire sauce, or if you’re an imbecile, use Frylight and wreck your pans
  • once they’re softened, set them aside and throw in the beef, cooking it off and giving it a bit of colour – I use Worcestershire sauce instead of oil because it adds taste
  • once the meat is browned off, put the stock in plus lots of pepper and whack the heat up, stirring until the stock has cooked off and thickened – give the bottom of the pan a good scrub with your spoon to get all those juices up
  • assemble your slider – breadbun cut in half, cheese slice, beef strips, peppers and onions
  • easy!

It doesn’t look terribly exciting but my word these were fantastic.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to perform oral sex in exchange for money. By the time I’ve paid off the council tax I’ll be permanently yawning. 🙁




16 thoughts on “loaded wedges and philly cheese steak sliders

  1. Haloooooo! Just wanted to say how much I love your blog and am reading your big gay honeymoon e-book. My boyfriend has been trying to get me to agree to go to Disney for ages (he worked there as a teenager) and I’ve realised, reading your stuff, that I can do it and still be my own, little, cynical self. Anyway, and I know this sounds a little arse-kissey, you guys are great and very entertaining. If you’re ever up in Glasgow, give me a shout and I’ll show you the city’s high and low life.

  2. Thank you sorry about your council Tax bill….i intend to buy your book as i now feel guilty but didn’t now you had one …i will have it sent to my Uk address to pick up when someone hauls themselves for a bit of free Sun pool and Cocktails…….Buying your Muscle meat pack isn’t an option unless you intend to head this way with a cooler full of it. Just so you know i always send people to your website when they whine about being sick of diet coke chicken and or No recipe idea’s or what to take to taster night or something about overnight oats ……SO ..onwards with theses new recipes…X

  3. I need help,you guys are great……..ive been using the slimmers world recipes you get online for about 6 weeks,inbetween not using them we tend to have salads…..but ive onlylost 2lb…..where am I go wrong?

  4. Oh God just had the loaded wedges friggin stuffed I also put chopped chillies in it was fantastic. Doing the steak sliders tomorrow. Keep it up guys ! Errr sorry continue we these recipes guys. You are gods it proper tasty food.

    • Haha, that’s the whole TwoChubbyCubs philosophy! None of this egg ‘n’ sweetener shite! Glad you liked it! 😀

  5. Had these for dinner tonight. So bloody good!! The husband said that it didn’t feel like he was eating healthy so big success. Yum!! Have arranged all our dinners this week around your website. Thank you!!! xx

  6. After announcing our wedding date I decided I best do something to make sure I can squeeze my fat arse into a dress, so joined slimming world.I realised my kids are the biggest food critics in the whole bloody world anything remotely healthy was ” tasteless and gross”. Luckly by chance I stumbled across ‘my bible’ and I can now say with 2 weeks to go my fat arse no longer has its own postcode and my kids give my cooking a thumbs up. WELL DONE GUYS I love this site

    • Excellent stuff! Glad to hear the kids like it too, you’re right – kids are picky bastards. Give the Sloppy Joe Cheeseburger Bake a go – kids REALLY love that one!

  7. I’ve just bought your book and a meat box. Happy days. Can’t wait to get to bed tonight for a good read which will probably cause a wet patch 🙂 x

  8. these where just amazing , another meal we both enjoyed , thing is i havnt stopped farting since i ate them . could be a bumpy ride in bed tonight , window needs to stay open .

  9. Tried the loaded wedges last night, they are so good! I’ll be trying more of your recipes, my husband thinks SW is amazing – not because I lost weight but because I cook stuff like this and still managed to lose weight! I must get back to it as I have started to put weight back on. Unfortunately the nearest group I can make it to is 30 miles away:(

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