Just a quick post tonight – we’ve got far too much ironing to be fannying on with, and a whole sky box of Jeremy Kyle waiting for us. Don’t fret though, because we’ve got an absolute belter lined up for you which is another notch on the bedpost for a snack, taster night idea AND for a proper meal! I know, I know, we spoil you. Speaking of spoiling, we spent a lovely few hours today out and about at Brysons in Gateshead which is a great local animal shelter – if you’re in the area and looking for a new pet, please do give them a look – they take wonderful care of all their animals and provide a great service. We took the handsome Harvey out for a walk around Eighton Banks and were mesmerised by his wobbling bum. I think any animal becomes a hundred times cuter when they’re a little chubby. We also spent some time getting our hands on some pussy which, believe me, we don’t get to say very often. Our own cats are now in a massive sulk with us and insist on only coming near us to fart. The dirty buggers.

Today’s recipe, then – we got the idea from/ripped it off from one of those videos you see looping and making you shit yourself when the sound starts going off on Facebook – full link here if you want to take a look for yourself. We’ve adapted it slightly to make it more Slimming World friendly. A doddle to make, taste fantastic and a new, interesting way to tart up mince. Oh I know that they’re not especially photogenic, but not everything needs to look like it’s come out of Smug Fucker magazine.

This makes nine. 1.5 syns for the lot.

to make mini meat volcanoes you will need:

• 400g extra lean minced beef (the mince from our freezer pack is perfect! No really it is, and you get 5 packs of it along with all the chicken, bacon and beef) (also: don’t delay on this deal, we’re changing it in a couple of weeks time!)
• 3 slices of prosciutto or parma ham (1.5 syns)
• 9 slices jalapeno chilli (optional)
• ½ tsp salt
• ½ pepper
• 1 tsp onion powder
• optional: passata (you’ll not need much) or tomato puree
• 1 ball of reduced fat mozzarella (1x HeA is 70g, assuming you’re not going to eat all nine, you’ll be fine), divided into nine pieces

to make mini meat volcanoes you should:

• preheat the oven to 180 degrees
• carefully cut the slices of ham to make 9 thin slices – they don’t need to be neat, no-one is standing behind you tutting and this isn’t Art Attack
• in a bowl, mix together the mince, salt, pepper and onion granules
• divide the mixture into nine and roll into balls
• loosely wrap the ham around the ball to make a ‘collar’ – making sure the two ends overlap
• gently push your thumb into the middle and pinch the edges to make a cup shape – do this for all nine
• place the cups into a large baking tray or yorkshire pudding tin
• drop a slice of jalapeno into each cup, a small dollop of passata and top with a chunk of mozarella
• cook in the oven for about twenty minutes

Serve with speed foods, or, if you’re normal, chips. These can also be stuffed in a tupperware box and eaten cold at a taster session. But listen, that’s a lot of meat to be sharing with people who have probably only brought in a rotten banana or made a Mug Shot in the kitchen. Fuck ’em, take a bag of Snack a Jacks instead.

If you’re looking for more beef or taster night ideas, click the buttons below:

J