Here for the beef and bacon stroganoff? Well of COURSE you are. It’s take take take with you! But, as usual, before we get to the recipe, a preamble…
James is running late, he rang me from inside the multi-storey car park shouting and bawling about the barrier being broken – I could barely hear him over the sound of his car, his rage and my Now That’s What I Call Soviet National Anthems CD. I made out the words ‘…’king sick of this cun…’ and ‘as much fucking use as a sandpaper tampon’ then he cut out. He’ll be home soon, but I thought I’d do a blog entry for once. Poor guy. Poor you lot.
This week I managed to find a major motivator to lose weight in somewhere that I least suspected – clothes. That’s right. Despite being two of the most uninterested people in fashion as well as being the most unfashionable people out there, it was trying to find a nice suit for a job interview that really hit home how much we need to lose weight.
I have more trouble than James on this front – despite him being a good few stone heavier than me he’s also got another half a foot, so his chub is much more easily spread out – he’s like a wardrobe – whereas I’m more like a chest of drawers. Or imagine sputnik balanced on a chubby pair of thighs. It’s a bloody nightmare to find anything that fits properly, if at all. It’s like trying to dress a car accident.
As we’ve previously touched upon, we’ve finally found somewhere that caters to our needs that doesn’t result in 100% polyester or finding them between rows of Pringles – except for a Jacamo run on payday we often finds ourselves strutting around a local garden centre and a franchise of Cotton Traders. I know, I know, we’re not on deaths door or enfeebled but the stuff fits. Well, it fits James – I have to make do with a chequered bit of cotton that sits over my belly but results in the breast pocket being underneath my tit, and the bottom of the shirt floating around near my knees, which if I don’t tuck in ends up billowing about like a curtain in a Celine Dion video.
So it all came to a head when I needed a nice suit for a job interview – there’s a few suits in our wardrobe but they’re all suspiciously high in acrylic (it came to a point a few weeks ago that we had to chuck a few out because every time we swished open the floor to ceiling wardrobe door, there’d be a smell of plastic burning and an alarming amount of smoke). Plus, naturally, they are all far too small (keep hold of them…we’ll fit into them eventually, we say…).
Seeing as though I actually wanted this job we decided to splurge out on a reasonably priced one. So, being fat fucks and the garden centre of no use we went online to Jacamo and ordered a few, in different sizes so I could try one or the other and make a choice but all to no avail. I just cannot look good in a suit. At all. It feels like the shoulder pads are jutting out like I’m the sexiest milkmaid ever and I have to swing my arms around like a wind turbine to stop the sleeves from flapping about. It’s an absolute mare.
And, naturally, because it was something nice, the cats immediately took a dislike and left me looking like Grizabella with just a quick vag-flash and an ankle rub. So that was no good. I did manage, however, to hang on to the waistcoat which didn’t do too much of a bad job. It did make me look as though I was presenting Big Break alongside Professional Shitrat Jim Davison, but hey, you can’t have it all.
Perhaps I do need to lose weight then. I would love to be able to get something without schlepping out to a place where I can also get barbecue tongs and a lavender plant. As convenient as it is.
OOH I hear the door. One moment please. CUT TO ADVERTS.
Remember: our Musclefood deal is running for only three more days! 10% off! Canny deal – even if you don’t want it, share it with a friend!
FREEZER FILLER: 5kg (24/26) of big fat chicken breasts, 2kg (5 portions of 400g) less than 5% fat mince, 700g of bacon, 800g of extra lean diced beef and free standard delivery – use TCCFREEZER at checkout – £45 delivered!
BBQ BOX: 5kg (24/26) of big fat chicken breasts, two Irish rump steaks, 350g of bacon, 6 half-syn sausages, twelve giant half-syn meatballs, 400g diced turkeys, two juicy one syn burgers, two bbq chicken steaks, free delivery, season and 400g seasoned drumsticks (syn-free when skin removed) – use TCCSUMMER at checkout – £45 delivered!
Remember, you can choose the day you want it delivered and order well in advance – place an order now for a couple of weeks time and they’ll only take the payment once the meat is dispatched! Right, that’s enough of that.
Eee yes! Anyway, flying in the face of all of the above, we’re having chippy tea tonight because we’ve had some good news. GASP. But listen, I’m not going to let you down with thoughts of James pushing a spam fritter around his face like a greasy sponge. So let’s get tonight’s recipe done. You can reduce the syns in this by making a proper white sauce but you know sometimes when you get home from work, you want to sit on the settee with your bollocks out doing fuck all? This is for one of those nights. It cooks itself pretty much. Plus, unless you’re super careful, all the white sauces on Slimming World end up looking like something scraped off the side of the bin at the GUM clinic, so, make this, use your syns and rock on. This makes enough for four, so the syns in the soup aren’t that much per serving!
to make beef and bacon stroganoff, you’ll need:
- two large red onions
- 400g of minced beef (5% or less – use one of the packets from our currently discounted Musclefood deal – perfect size)
- one tin of condensed cream of chicken soup (we used Campbells at 14 syns)
- 100ml of skimmed milk (1.5 syns)
- a few rashers of bacon with the fat removed (or the medallions from our Musclefood pack)
- pinch of salt and pepper
- clove of garlic (mince mince mince with one of these babies)
- handful of mushrooms chopped up fine
- handful of peas
- a green pepper
- big dried noodles or tagliatelle – dried, not fresh, or so help me god
At 15 syns for the whole dish, I’ll call it 4 syns a serving. I know that’s not quite right but hey.
to make beef and bacon stroganoff, you should:
- chop up your onions, the green pepper and the mushrooms nice and fine
- sweat it off in a few squirts of spray oil (not Frylight, haway) with the minced garlic
- add the mince and the chopped bacon and cook it off with a pinch of salt and pepper
- add in the frozen peas
- pour the condensed soup into a jug and add the milk – you want a nice thick sauce – you’re not going to have loads of it, but that’s the point
- lower the heat, add the soup to the mix and simmer gently just to thicken it up – if you want more sauce, add more milk and then simmer it for longer
- cook the noodles, drain, add the sauce, serve!
Easy! Sounds complicated but it’s really just chop, chop, cook, cook, mix. Even you can do that! Oh and we’ve done a couple of stroganoff recipes before, too:
OK, if you want more pasta recipes or beef recipes, go ahead and click on the buttons below.
I’m going, and I’m hesitant to let you know in case you mock me openly on your blog. Please don’t, but I’ve had enough of the advertising – it’s really, really overt and in-your-face and to be honest, how much more can you squeeze in? Enough. I don’t have to read your blog, and that’s the answer, isn’t it – if I don’t like it, I can fuck off and go elsewhere. So I am. I wanted to let you know, but I don’t really know why – what are you going to do except ignore me or mock me? It’s just you seem so nice, despite your constant nastiness about everyone and everything. Sigh… what to do… except remove you from my RSS feed and not visit again. Sorry; I liked your banter, but the constant, constant buy this buy this shred this with this, buy this we have this from amazon ooo amazon look at us amazon buy this shred this musclefuckingfood… it’s too much.
Then, as you say, stop reading.
I’m certainly not going to mock you or have a go, why would I? Everyone is welcome to their opinion and I have no problem with it. Our advertising has been a little heavier lately but that’s because we have a Musclefood deal. Usually our blog has a couple of links per post to stuff on Amazon and a link to Musclefood. We don’t have paragraphs and paragraphs of text saying how good MF is – just a few words in the ingredients list. I think the fact we post a new recipe every couple of days – for free – along with on average 1,000 words of narrative before hand – gives us the right to recoup a tiny fraction of our time spent with some advertising. Unlike other blogs, we’re open and honest about our affiliations and we’ve conducted research about our marketing – most people think our adverts are alright.
Sorry to see you go, but next time you complain, no need to layer in personal attacks. I’m not rude about everyone and everything – most of our blogs are self-deprecating about ourselves.
Completely agree with you,l love your recipes but love your banter just as much,including the advertising,I’ve used muscle foods and recommend them,I’ve had an actifry and a mincer,keep up the good work x
Thank you Rose! We’ve got a blog entry coming tomorrow about this – it boils down to the fact that the tiny amount of advertising we do pays for everything we put on the blog. We only recommend the stuff we use! I’m glad you find it useful 🙂
Just don’t get this whinge, you just include a couple of links that are easy to just skip over ( I know sorry!!) Please carry on the way you are, love you for it ?
How rude and completely unnecessary!
They aren’t shoving it down your throat, it’s a few words or a link that is doing no harm!
Why shouldn’t they try to make a bit of money in return for the most fantastic blog?!
Are you going to not watch TV because they have adverts? Of course not!! You’re going to either watch them or fast forward, so read the advert or scroll past it – simple!!
Have to laugh at how many times you have said ‘sorry but’ the second you say but after sorry cancels out the fact your sorry!
At least these guys are sincere and I have never once felt bullied, over come or whatever you think they are doing into buying something!
Please can you create a blog and send post a link would love to see how you get on with it. You obviously have a very negative life considering you have so much time to post such a negative comment on a website that for many of us cheers us up!
I’ve bought your muscle food offer recently so right now I don’t need to see your advert for it, so I’ve come up with this really smart move, I scroll right on by….marvellous what you can do these days
When my freezer is next empty I’ll stop this scrolling marlarky and stop and read
Wonderful this free choice I have, when you start putting your readers into straight jackets and force feed us scan bran coated SW sausages until we have read and digested your advertising, then and only then will I stop reading your blog
I love your blog, I love your banter, I love your honesty, I love your recipes and best of all, you introduced me to musclefood and given me tips on kitchen aids, for this I am thankful ? I don’t have to cook all your recipes, I don’t have to buy the suggested kitchen aids AND I don’t have to buy the musclefood promotions that you take time to organise for us, and sometimes I scroll past the banter and go straight to the recipe because that is what’s called personal choice. Social media is amazing but it pee’s me off when people can’t just be grown ups and be polite. I for one LOVE getting your recipes via email and on my news feed so keep up the good work because your both appreciated very much. ?
How ridiculous! I totally understand the reasons for the advertising but it’s hardly invasive is it – unlike other sites where adverts actually fill the whole page and are impossible to ignore. I often just click on them if I’m interested but no-one is being forced to do that and to miss the opportunity to have your fabulous recipes to try because of a few tiny unobtrusive links is, frankly, pathetic . Keep up the good work, give us a laugh and a delicious meal and ignore the naysayers xx
I wish you lived next door, i’d be round every day for a brew and a natter. Love it love it love it. Pammy x
I think most people understand how blogs work and the fact that advertising is part and parcel of the deal. The adverts on your blog are in no way intrusive, often useful ( love Musclefood which I discovered here) and far outweighed by the hilarious rantings and ramblings. Also 2CC is my go to when looking for recipe inspiration and I’m not on a diet! Keep up the good work chaps ?
Guys keep up the good work! that one negative comment is counteracted by all of the readers who quietly come to read the blog and go away happier. We are here, you just cant see us 😉 Im always on your blog reading the new chapters and I love your recipe ideas. Iv also ordered my first muscle foods delivery that im rather excited to receive 🙂 Don’t change a thing!! x
Thank you! 🙂