Look, I know we said we wouldn’t contact each other. We realised that things hadn’t been the same since the accident and that indeed, the loss of your thumb was an unfortunate one. That holiday idea of yours where you hitchhiked around Europe? Completely ruined. My fault, I know, but I told you to exercise caution with the turkey trimmer. We can’t turn the clock back.

However, it’s Christmas, and if Love Actually taught me anything other than the fact you call tell the US President to fuck off and there’ll be no major consequences other than Tiffany from Eastenders giving you chocolate biscuits and come-to-bed eyes, it’s that Christmas is a time for reconnecting. It’s a time for giving, which is exactly why I’ll be giving Paul all the space he needs in the kitchen to make me a delicious dinner whilst I sit feeding the dog illicit Lidl crisps. I’m buoyed up with the bravado afforded by three large bottles of Hoegaarden (other beers are available, but this reminds me of when I was 20 and in a sparkling four-way love-square) and so, this is me saying: hello! I hope you’re keeping well.

Now I shan’t keep you, because there’s gooses to pluck and Celebration Bounties to be rightfully ignored. But see we have something to give away: a short recipe booklet of eight recipes taken straight from our books – including two from our newest wonder, Full On Flavour, which comes out on December 28th. We’ve included a lovely long blog post with it too, so you’ve got something to read whilst you get rid of your Christmas Yule log. It’s been designed entirely by me so I apologise in advance. But we hope you enjoy it! If not, boo-shucks to you. But whatever you do, enjoy Christmas! We’ll be back (properly) ever so soon! Simply click the below gift box to download your PDF! Until we speak again, then…