droptober recipe #9: chicken cakes

Chicken cakes? I know, it sounds as appetising as sleeping face-down in the cuddle-puddle after a hot session with orange shitbag Donald Trump, but please, bear with me. You can have fishcakes, yes? Well these little buggers are gorgeous, trust me. Like a chicken nugget only you’re not spending ten minutes afterwards thinking about whether you’ve just eaten a bumhole, eyelid, or combination of both.

Only a recipe tonight, mind, as we’re busy working on something exciting. Well, I am, Paul’s busy ironing. WHAT AN EXCITING LIFE EH. This recipe makes about eight or so cakes, and I’m synning them at half a syn each rather than the 0.75 syns that it should be. Don’t tell Mags, eh?

OH one thing. We’ve had word that there’s a Slimming World group in Cornwall somewhere where one of the members is printing off the recipes and selling them as a booklet. Please, don’t do this. We do this for free and we want it to stay that way. If you want to profit from our hard work, at least ask. Don’t be a fucknugget about it.

to make chicken cakes you will need

500g chicken (or turkey) mince (or chicken breasts, whizzed up in a food processor)
half a red, yellow or orange pepper, diced
1 onion, finely chopped
1 pinch chilli flakes
half a chicken stock cube
2 garlic cloves, minced
4 tbsp extra-light mayonnaise (2 syns)
½ teaspoon salt
¼ black pepper
2 shakes Tabasco sauce
25g panko (4½ syns)
1 egg, beaten
2 tsp dijon mustard (1 syn)

to make chicken cakes you should:

in a large pan, spray in some oil over a medium-high heat and add the onions, pepper, chilli flakes and crumble in half the chicken stock cube, and cook together for about 3 minutes
add the garlic and cook for another minute
add HALF of the raw chicken mince (you read that right – trust me) to the pan, and cook until cooked though – it’ll take about 3 minutes
remove from the heat and set aside to cool
in a large bowl, mix together the mayonnaise, salt, pepper, tabasco, panko, egg and dijon mustard
add the cooked chicken (wait until it’s cool enough to hold) and the remaining raw chicken (it’ll be fine! honestly!) and mix really well together
divide the mixture into 8 balls and flatten each one into a burger shape (this burger press is only £3.50 and will do the job nicely)
plonk onto some greaseproof paper so they don’t stick and pop in the fridge for about half an hour to let them firm up – pour yourself a gin
spray a large frying pan with oil and whack on to a medium-high heat
using a spatula, add the chicken cakes to the pan (you might need to do it in batches) and cook for about 4 minutes per side until cooked through
serve and enjoy!