I’ve been inspired to post the recipe for these custard cream blondies because I’m sick to my back teeth of seeing cakes that look like someone’s foot in stage 3 of active decay. Why would you eat that? Goodness me. A little bit of what you fancy does you good and whilst yeah, these cost a load of syns, sometimes you need to actually live your life instead of chasing stickers in a book. Plus, CHRIST ALMIGHTY, they’re delicious. So, in an unusual bit of brevity, let’s get straight to the recipe!
no regrets: custard cream blondies
Why a blondie and not a brownie? BECAUSE YOU'RE A SICKENING RACIST. No, blondies tend to have more vanilla, brownies usually have chocolate in them. So just calm yer tits, Tommeh Robinson.
I found this recipe on reddit via a blog called krishthebaker - have a look on their website, but put a towel down. You'll be snail-trailing around the biscuits. I've seen it before in the BBC Good Food magazine too, but frankly, I'm not saying thanks to them because I'm sick of getting TV licence letters despite being a good boy all paid up.
The biscuits then, if you please.
- 250g melted butter (90 syns)
- 400g light soft brown sugar (80 syns)
- 4 x eggs
- 3 tsp vanilla extract
- 80g caster sugar (16 syns)
- 500g plain flour (90 syns)
- 100g custard powder (18 syns)
- 1 ½ tsp baking powder
- 1 ½ tsp bicarb
- 15 custard creams (crushed, like your consultant's dreams of buying a caravan on tick) (45 syns)
- 4 tbsp of milk (0.5 syn, best to be accurate)
I make that 340 syns, give or take a crumb. So 17 syns a brownie. OOPS.
- turn that oven to 180 degrees
- mix the butter and sugars until combined
- add the eggs and vanilla and beat it to buggery
- add the flour, custard powder, baking powder and bicarb - stir and mix - if it's looking a little dry, just add some milk
- pour into a 13 by 9 inch brownie tin - greased, use a bit of butter, not like you're dieting
- smooth the top with an offset spatula if you're classy, or use a butter knife if you still say Tescos instead of Tesco
- scatter the crushed custard creams over the top and into your gob too
- bake for about 25 to 30 minutes, if they're burning on top put some parchment over the top
- allow to cool in the fridge, then cut up - I got twenty squidgy squares
- serve to rapturous applause and congratulations
- if you want a crispy edge on everything you do, then why not buy one of these brownie tins? Imagine your delight as each brownie is perfectly cooked and our delight as that sweet Amazon Associate money comes rolling in
- prefer a postage stamp of air? You can buy a whole raft of flavours of Fibre One bars on Amazon too. Because why sacrifice on taste?
Enjoying your night off? Want some more recipes that are terribly high in syns but actually taste good? Here!
- super cheesy macaroni cheese and chorizo
- chocolate orange rainbow fudge (a billion syns)
- x-rated ginger biscuits (too many syns to mention)
- full english breakfast oats (12 syns)
- apple pie and ice-cream (13 syns)
- a proper old fashioned trifle (9 syns)