the cubs need YOUR help!

If you’re reading this in your inbox, please take one second to hit RT on the embedded tweet – you might need to follow the link to our full website to see it! Please help!

Now, I need your help with something, please. You may notice that there’s a lack of recipe on the blog tonight. I know! Catastrophe. But see the thing is, our hob has stopped working. We have a fancy-schmancy induction hob from Samsung and love the bones of it. A couple of weeks ago it went pop. This isn’t the first time, either – they replaced it completely less than a year ago but here we are again. After many, many, many phone-calls to a ridiculously unhelpful call centre, passed from pillar to post, we’re no further forward. They’re saying there is only a warranty of a year, which is bollocks, and even then you’d expect the replacement to last longer than a year – and refusing to fix it. I’m more than prepared to fight to get it fixed if I have to but I’d just sooner they held up their side of the deal and provided us with a working hob. To that end, please, please RT the tweet below. You’ve only got to click a button and that’s it! I ask for so little, it would be amazing if you could do it! Thank you. In the meantime, it’s microwave meals and sadness…

Thank you! Now, whilst I’m here, let’s do a wee post. Any excuse for a gab.

We’ve joined a gym.

I know, I know. It would have been less of a shock if I’d announced I was getting married to a young lady and planning on siring children. But see it had to be done – it’s all well and good eating healthily, but I’m trying to avoid looking like those forgotten birthday balloons you see drifting along in hedgerow, all crinkly and wrinkly. If I fall off a tall building, I don’t want my own skin to form a wind-suit that’ll drift me gently to the ground. Plus, we did say we’d start taking our health more seriously so…

Now, we previously joined David Lloyd. Bleurgh. Let me say this before I elaborate: if you’re a David Lloyd member, I’m not talking about you, no no, you’re the exception to prove the rule. To me, David Lloyd wasn’t so much a gym as it was a badge for people to wear and mention at any given opportunity. The gym in Newcastle had a lovely swimming pool, yes, but the gym was tiny and the equipment outdated and worn. Frankly, if I’m going to kill myself exercising I would rather it was on my own terms as opposed to going arse-over-tit on a knackered treadmill. We were paying almost £90 a month just to have our car sneered at by people more chin-than-man who would then powermince on the treadmills for five minutes before spending thirty minutes looking at themselves in the mirror like the big, vain, beetroot-faced shitbag budgies that they were. So yeah!

PureGym on the other hand, what a delight. It’s clean, the equipment is new and I don’t have the feeling of taking notes out of my wallet and setting fire to them like I did before. We were both perturbed by the doors though – because it’s a 24 hour gym, the doors are these weird automatic pods that you walk inside, it shuts around you and then opens on the other side. I was terrified that I wasn’t going to fit and I’d die in a Nike-emblazoned homage to Augustus Gloop. Thankfully, this didn’t happen, though my willybobber-clad arse probably left a smear on the glass as it squeaked shut behind me. What am I like!

I’m under no illusion that I’m going to become some hyper-fit Muscle Mary, don’t worry. It’ll never happen. Paul and I were built in such a way that, when we spoon, we form a perfect fleshy sphere. I can’t change nature. But change isn’t always a good thing, which leads me to my final point…


I am genuinely worried about tomorrow. I think you can safely assume which way we stand given our mannerisms and lifestyle. How you choose to vote tomorrow is entirely up to you and there’s no judgement here on what box you put a cross in – the only thing I will say is base your vote on facts, statistics and the opinions of those in the know – economists, business leaders and policy makers. Don’t be swayed by lies and hyperbole and tired, racist rhetoric. But do vote: it’s one of the most important things you can do.

Thanks all!