Ham and cheese scones. Nope. They’re not Slimming World friendly. But sometimes, you’ve got to let your gunt out, shake that Elnett-by-proxy out of your hair and live your life a little. Anyway, a little bit of what you fancy does you good, or at least it does until you’re left with an STD and Graeme from Jeremy Kyle is fussing about your nethers with a box of tissues. I’m feeling a bit soured towards the whole Slimming World thing at the moment anyway: any diet where people are making lemon meringue pies by scrapping a Muller yoghurt into a pastry made from PEASE PUDDING isn’t good.
To be fair, that’s not Slimming World’s fault such as it is people just trying to eat without spending syns, which is ridiculous but ground that we’ve covered so many times before that I earned my Body Magic Platinum badge (urgh) just from eye-rolling alone. You know, perhaps if they changed the name from something as negative as syns (short for synergy or some other such abbol) (abbol being short for absolute bollocks) people would be more inclined to ‘spend’ them instead of fretting about eating something perfectly normal.
Ah well. If I had to represent via the medium of cat how I feel looking at these recipes for Frankenfood, this is it:
I’ve never known a cat have such resting bitch face. For balance, here’s Bowser.
Don’t hate them because they’re beautiful. Shall we do cheese scones then?
super cheesy cheese scones - no, not Slimming World friendly
Yield 13 scones
Cheese scones, proper ones mind you, with no nonsense. These have more cheese in them than is entirely decent and you know, that's good because frankly, if you're not having mild chest pains spreading the butter, then are you even alive?
I use the recipe from theguardian because I'm a hippy-drippy middle-class sort. Feel free to swap the butter for Trex and the gentle touch for a bad attitude, if you're so inclined.
Oh and if you're wondering why a diet blog contains a recipe for cheese scones, it's simple: because we're a cooking blog, and we all have a naughty side. Though if your idea of being naughty is a cheese scone, we need to get you out more...
- 450g of self-raising flour (70 syns)
- 1 tsp of smoked salt (ordinary salt is fine)
- 1 tbsp of English mustard powder
- 100g of cold, from-the-fridge, salted butter (36 syns)
- 250g extra strong mature cheese, plus a bit extra for the top (50 syns)
- 180g of shredded ham hock (buy it from Tesco, it's cheap, or cut up some ham yourself)
- 120ml of cold milk
- 120ml of cold water
- 1 egg, beaten up with a drop or two of milk
156 syns. Oops! 12 syns each.
- heat your oven to 220 degrees
- sift your flour, salt and mustard powder into a big bowl
- grate in the butter and rub with the tips of your finger until you have fine sand
- grate in the cheese and add the ham, then stir to combine
- mix in the milk and water until everything starts to bind together, but don't overwork it - it'll be a sticky dough to begin with but you'll get there
- tip onto a floured surface and roll to about 2cm high
- cut into circles of about 6cm across, reshaping as you need
- pop on a good non-stick baking tray, brush with the egg and milk mix and top with lots more cheese
- cook in the oven until golden on top - mine took about 16 minutes
Mine came out perfectly but scones are a bitch sometimes - if they don't come out looking great, who cares: strive for good taste, not good looks!
You don't need any expensive kit to bake. A big bowl, a grater and some scone cutters. Hell, you can use a pint glass if you want. But if you're looking for ideas:
- we have these cheapy-chatty cutters from Amazon
- we also used an adjustable rolling pin, but only because we have one - you don't need one, but they are nice to look at
- if you're desperate for a Slimming World version of these scones, you could make the smash ones that did the rounds a while ago - but these aren't scones, they're tasty mash-tatty cakes
Courses x-rated, scones
I know, right? Want more naughty ideas? We don’t have many but the ones we have…
- chocolate orange rainbow fudge (a billion syns)
- x-rated ginger biscuits (too many syns to mention)
- full english breakfast oats (12 syns)
- apple pie and ice-cream (13 syns)
- a proper old fashioned trifle (9 syns)