Want to know something embarrassing?
The first MP3 I ever downloaded was The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica. Good lord! I was a country boy growing up in a council house in BHS adult-sized trousers, I don’t think I was ready for all that ghettofabulousness. I’m surprised the download made it past all the porn, mind, though I don’t doubt it took twenty minutes to download. Kids these day don’t know how lucky they are. Could have been worse – one of the first CDs I owned by Doesn’t Really Matter by Janet Jackson. Argh, I really had a thing for a marimba and sass.
The reason I am rambling on about music is because it’s an integral part of writing this blog – I can’t write unless I have music playing and no distractions, and even then I’ll spend forty minutes trying to find something I want to listen to on Spotify. It’s very distressing – a whole world of music and I always end up coming back to the same twenty or so songs. Paul hates it, because I always end up singing along and my voice sounds like a cat being pushed through a mangle, plus I add new notes and words into the lyrics, so a simple beautiful verse becomes peppered with falling scales and swearwords.
Anyway. I’m a bit pushed for time tonight so instead of words, I’m going to show you something. Something AWFUL. You may remember from my About Me page that it’s always been a hope and a dream of mine to get into the newspapers holding out my fat-bloke trousers after I’d lost so much weight? Well…when I was 18…
That hair though, seriously. I told you I used to have hair like Enya in her Orinocco Flow video. I’d give anything for a chance at that long hair again, though I wouldn’t have it quite such a sex-offender colour. Plus those trousers! 46″. Christ. Plus, white jeans. Never give a fat bloke white jeans, they’ll always have chocolate in their pockets and it’ll look like they’ve shit themselves when they stand up. What I didn’t mention in that article is how seething I was about losing out at the Slimmer of the Year finals to some black-footed leviathan who was too fat to get on an operating table. I didn’t have a sob story.
Ah well. It’s not like the haircuts ever got worse. Well, save for the Myra Hindley…
And of course, the Bjorn Again:
Aaah. Oh young James. You poor bastard.
Anyway, enough of all that. Tonight’s recipe is a simple salad full of fresh tastes. Just like my hair, am I right?
to make rocket, pea and mint salad you will need:
two chicken breasts, big old handful of rocket, couple of rashers of fat-free bacon, 200g frozen peas, small bag of new potatoes, mint, 0% fat-free natural yoghurt (make sure you pick up a syn-free version), lemon, fresh mint, four spring onions and rockets
to make rocket, pea and mint salad you should:
- make the dressing: a few tablespoons of yoghurt, plus the juice of half a lemon and a few leaves mint chopped nice and fine – and set aside
- grill the chicken breasts nice and plain and set it aside, and grill the bacon off and when cooked, cut into tiny slices
- chop up your new potatoes into small chunks and boil them for a few minutes until they’re tender, adding the frozen peas into the boiling water for a couple of minutes too, then sieve the lot
- chop up the spring onions into nice small slices
- put a drop of oil into a frying pan, add the onion, potato, bacon and peas – I like to splash some lemon juice in;
- after a few minutes, take it off the heat and add the rocket and a few sprigs of mint, and stir everything through
- serve with the dressing and chicken, with some slices of radishes to garnish.
A simple, elegant evening meal. Yum!
J
I’m liking Myra best but please tell me that you’ve had your eyebrows tweezed since that photo
Pfft no! My eyebrows still look like Kevin Webster’s nineties ‘tache!
The first photo could have been an inspiration for Professor Snape 😉
Thank you Jayne…OUR NEW CELEBRITY