cheese and onion pasties

Right, not going to lie, this isn’t a cheese and onion pasty any more than a eight-eggs-mixed-with-an-options-and-microwaved is a bloody cupcake. IT’S NOT IT’S A CHOCOLATE OMELETTE. But let’s persevere. Just a very quick post tonight because we’re looking at booking our December holiday to Las Vegas. Las Vegas! I love to gamble but I’m crap at table games, so no doubt I’ll be turning tricks by the side of the strip in a torn dress by the third day. More on that in another post, perhaps. You may recollect my previous experience trying to make a steak bake following the recipe flying about on facebook – it tasted like disappointment and regret. Actually, it tasted like what I bet my cat’s bumhole tastes like, although given how much he’s always licking it to a fine shine, perhaps that’s not as bad as I think. I won’t be trying it and I’ll certainly not be doing a recipe.

Anyway, I love nothing more than a pasty from Greggs. Here in Newcastle they use Gregg’s outlets like one might use a drainpipe – attached to every major building. I swear we’re about three shops away from Inception-Greggs where you go in for a steak bake and never leave, every time you push out through the exit door you tumble back in from the rear entrance, like some dodgy version of the stairs scene from Labyrinth. Though, if it means I get to gaze admiringly at the late David Bowie’s moose-foot whilst I reach in for my oval bite, so be it. Still, we had a couple of those sandwich thins to use up and some leftover mash, so why not?

cheese and onion pasty

to make a cheese and onion pasty, you’ll need:

  • one Kingsmill wholemeal sandwich thins, which I’m reliably told by SW’s own website is a HEB. Invariably it won’t be, so if you need the syns, it’s 5
  • any leftover mash
  • bit of cheese
  • onion powder (classy!) or gently soften some onions (before you start emailing me like you did when I used bloody panko that one time, onion powder can be found wherever the jars of herbs and spices are in your supermarket)
  • one egg, beaten to within an inch of its life so it won’t bloody do it again

to make a cheese and onion pasty, you should:

  • now come on, really?
  • add your HEA of cheese into your leftover mash, tonnes of black pepper, teaspoon of onion powder or some proper onions and salt
  • spread it into your thins
  • cover and pinch the edges together
  • wash with some beaten egg (the thin that is, not your body)
  • it bothers me that I even need to add that qualification
  • cook in the oven for around 15 minutes on say, 170 degrees – you want the top to crisp a little

For the true Greggs experience, pop it in the mouth of a child who can barely gum a rusk whilst you fumble around in your Paul’s Boutick bag looking for your Richmond Superkings.

If you’re looking for more recipes, you’ll find over 300 of the buggers RIGHT HERE. Yes!





11 thoughts on “cheese and onion pasties

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAH your blogs make a good diet because I laugh so much that my stomach hurts and then don’t want to eat
    fantastic xxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. Lol I love your posts x Vegas is amazing,please write a book about your time there ,iv got your others on my iPad which are brilliant,so funny ?.

  3. Love the sound of this you could also add a teaspoon of marmite into the mix to bring out the flavour of the cheese so you can use less cheese then

  4. Bit late to the party, your writings have made me giggle so much. Just contemplating trying at the grand old age of 54 to lose a pesky 5 stone, mind at my age I should probably accept that may be a step too far.

    I digress, I have recently been reading about making pasties using a WW wrap which I believe is .5 syn and coating with brushed beaten egg before baking. Did buy some WW wraps to try it out but ended up wrapping them round a Tesco Finest Cumberland Sausage!. So I can’t comment on how they turn out but they do seem to be coming up a lot on the ‘Pinch of Nom’ site which is where I heard about you guys!

  5. I’ve had a crap day and I the last thing I want to be doing is thinking about next weeks bloody lunches coz I have to do the shopping list tonight, but needs must and so here I am at twochuubycubs looking for lunch ideas that fit my parameters – i.e. can be eaten literally on the run whilst moving between construction sites ( and will not leak in the rucksack!) – and so I clicked on the cheese and onion pastie to have a look see. not quite workable for me as I can’t fit the oven in the backpack, but reading your recipie has made me laugh my tits off. Love it! Thanks for reminding me to grin and giggle and improving my shitty day.

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