Sausage, fennel and pesto pasta? Have we gone all posh here at the always unpretentious, classless twochubbycubs? No. Don’t worry. We’re not going to start asking you to sous-vide (I’m sure she works in our local chippy) your food or start using sweetener that you can only buy in an Axminster branch of Holland and Barrett. However, we were asked for more sausage recipes so that people had something to do with those Slimming World sausages other than open the box and pour them directly into the bin because they’re so bloody awful. To make Slimming World sausages palatable (why is the third ingredient – after the 79% meat – citrus peel? I want to eat a sausage, not a pork-flavoured Yankee Candle), you need to add lots of flavour, hence the fennel and pesto. Before we get to that, though, some business to attend to.
I went over to visit The Progenitors this evening to make sure that a) they’re still kicking about and b) to casually remind them that there really is no better time to make a will than right now, and yes, don’t worry I’ll share. They’re in rude health as ever, and although I got roundly admonished for proclaiming that ‘the iPad can’t sense through leather’ when my mum told me her iPad wasn’t recognising her fingerprint, all was well. However, my mother has two messages for the blog which I feel I must pass on, at the very least to ensure that the flow of newly-laid eggs keeps coming my way.
First: she’s taken umbrage with the fact that I like to portray my childhood as some kind of Catherine Cookson-esque, poverty-stricken wasteland of bland meals and stolen potatoes. Well, obviously that wasn’t the case. We didn’t have much money but my sister and I never went without – we always had good food in our bellies, clothes on our backs and all the second-hand Lambert and Butler smoke a child could want. I reckon I was on ten fags a day by proxy by the age of ten. I’ve certainly inherited my lack of worry from them – they’re both very down-to-earth, decent people – just because my mother can drink like a sailor and my dad uses flatulence like one might use a full-stop doesn’t change that.
No, look, I do jest, and I do like to make gags about growing up, but I couldn’t have wished for better parents and when I listen to them now, bickering on at each other and twisting their faces, there’s still so much love there, it’s marvellous. They’ve been married for absolutely bloody ages and it’s quite inspiring to think you can make small-talk with the same person over dinner for thirty years and not want to stab them in the eye. It’s all I can do not to set myself on fire if I pass the same person on the stairs twice in one day. I think the anniversary gift for 30 years is pearl, and I’m definitely not going to mention that to my parents because, Christ, if you think I’m bad for smut and innuendo, you haven’t seen anything yet…
The second public service announcement from Mother Cub is a new gadget. See, since buying hens she has been awash with more eggs than she knows what to do with. My poor dad has had fried eggs, cubed eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, eggs eleven, eggy-eggs, eggy-bread and god knows what else. Anyway, my mum has found this on Amazon and it filled her with so much excitement it was the third thing she said to me after I stepped through her door (after DON’T GO STRAIGHT TO THE FRIDGE and CAN YOU JUST HAVE A LOOK AT SOMETHING ON THE COMPUTER FOR ME).
It’s a three way egg-slicer. For when cutting with a knife won’t do, but then, nor will boring old slices. This one makes perfectly chunked egg mayo, wonderfully measured egg slices and, for that decadent touch, egg quarters. Whilst admittedly it’s quite literally the only time I ever want to hear about my mother having a three-way in the kitchen, it’s a gadget too much for me. I’ll say this though – the egg mayo sandwich that she made me was terrific. I’ve never had such uniform egg-based texture.
This makes enough for two big fatties to shovel in as dinner. So, just enough for me and Paul. So let’s say three syns per serving, but remember, it’s a giant bloody serving. I do like how the Amazon picture above already has the nicotine mottled-effect that most things in my parent’s house have. I’m joking again, just to be clear. Anyway, it’s on Amazon for only a few quid, so if you’re looking for a slicer that will blow your mind, go for it!
Anyway, that’s quite enough from Eva Braun, this is my blog, damn it.
Before we get to the sausage, fennel and pesto pasta, I have a quick question. I listen to The Archers. Love it. Don’t care that it’s a fuddy-duddy programme, I like how relaxing it all is. I’ve probably been listening for a year now – I tuned in when Rob Bastard started terrorising poor Helen and she stabbed him over the burst custard. But three questions:
- am I ever going to get to the point where I recognise who is talking and who is related to who – I’m currently treating it like a white noise machine but I reckon I’d get more out of it if I actually understood the characters. But see, I go onto the Radio 4 website, read up on them, and then instantly forget everything I read, like my brain is trying to save me from premature old age;
- is that young Johnny fella ever going to boff that other one (Josh?) – I feel like they’ve been building to A Beautiful Thing, but maybe that’s just me; and
- am I wrong for getting teary-eyed over poor Scruff? SOB.
Now, you might be scoffing and tittering into your hand about my love of The Archers at the age of 31, but you know what, I don’t care. Not after poor Scruff’s death! LIFE’S TOO SHORT.
Right, let’s do the recipe.
to make sausage, fennel and pesto pasta you will need:
- 500g pasta
- 6 sausages, skins removed (have you tried the sausages in our special Musclefood deals? They’re only ½ a syn each! Plus they have the added bonus of not tasting like you’re chewing a draught excluder – click here to order!)
- ½ tsp fennel seeds
- ½ tsp black pepper
- 1 red onion, sliced
- 2 tbsp reduced fat green pesto (3 syns)
to make sausage, fennel and pesto pasta you should:
- cook the pasta according to the instructions, towards the end of the cooking time take half-a-mugful of the pasta water for later on
- meanwhile, heat a large frying pan over a medium high heat, sling in some oil and chuck in the fennel seeds, cook for about 30 seconds
- add the onion and saute until it softens, about 5 minutes or so
- mash the sausages the best you can with a fork and chuck into the pan, stir quickly to make sure it stays as broken up as possible – it doesn’t hurt to get a potato masher and smash things up a bit
- add the black pepper, reduce the heat and keep stirring every now and again – don’t worry if bits stick to the bottom of the pan – that’s good
- stir the pesto into the mug of pasta water and add to the pan and use it to scrape off any bits on the bottom of the pan
- add the drained pasta to the pan and stir so it’s coated evenly in the pesto sauce and the sausage is mixed in
Easy, right? If you’re looking for more sausage or pasta recipes, you’ll do well to click on the buttons below. We’ve got loads!
Enjoy, won’t you?
Not only do you do ace recipes, you love The Archers!!! You have to listen to the podcast @DumTeeDum and also follow them on Twitter. They’ll love your Josh / Johnny boffing theory. We could have a whole Twinks v Bears thread with Ian and Adam. You will get to recognise the characters and I reckon you can already pull off a Lynda Snell “sniff” when anyone suggests you have too many kitchen gadgets. Anyway, got to catch up on tonight’s Archers and I hope Rob Titchynob gets what he deserves.
Haha, I’m gonna go give them a look right now!
Fab recipe. ? That’s tomorrow nights dinner sorted .ta x btw your wee mammy must be thanking God everyday for having a son like you. You cook,clean,have an amazing sense of humour and have only been in 1 fight all your life ?. Along with being well travelled and an author to boot! Your a credit to her. And She’s an awesome wummin so she is! ?
Your parents have done a sterling job raising you. You love and respect them, you are funny, you are in a good marriage (you’ve been set a great example), you are great with food, oh and did I mention, you’re funny!
Thank you! Don’t them that, mind 😉
Oh gawd, step away from the radio! I am 61, my Ma is 84 and still listens to The Archers every evening and weekend omnibus. She has listened to them from when I was a wee nipper and I wasn’t allowed to be in the kitchen during the time unless I kept my mouth shut and listened in. Any move to make comment or ask questions and I was pushed out thru the door! These days I am not allowed to ring her between 6.50 and 7.30 just to be sure. Even if I did, she stated she would not even answer….but it’s okay that she can ring me whenever she likes and it doesn’t matter what I’m doing! ? Anyhow….she knows all the characters that have come and gone. So first in her life is a tie between the cat and the Archers, then her garden, and then me. Know me place!
At 31 you need to get a life! Lol. Steer clear of the radio before it addles yer brain with nonsense she of a fictional family and just do a bit more blogging so we can ALL have a laugh. ? Oh yes, and recipes. THANKYOU ?
Where do you get the low fat pesto from please?