My word, just take a moment to look at those strawberries and cream overnight oats – what a thing of beauty. Normally our food looks crap but I’m happy with how that picture turned out! Overnight oats seem to be making a bit of a resurgence amongst the slimming rabble online so I thought it’s about time we had a new one. This meant a trip to Lidl – normally I’d send Paul but see he went to bed ‘to rest his eyes’ at 2pm and he’s still in bed now! I should probably check he hasn’t choked to death on his own fat tongue but meh, Doctor Who is on shortly. So no, I went to Lidl myself, and that’s a very dangerous thing indeed.
Why? Because anyone who knows me will tell you I’m as tight as a nun’s gee but somethings comes over me at Lidl and I’m throwing the cash around like Barry Big Bollocks. Admittedly, this doesn’t amount to a hill of beans because you could probably buy the entire stock inventory of our local Lidl and pay the staff with the total of the coins in my car ashtray. It isn’t an ashtray but I can’t be arsed to google and find out what the compartment is called. You may remember I contemplated pissing in it once, though (don’t worry, that risky click will open in a new window). But see I went into Lidl this afternoon to buy one box of strawberries and spent nearly fifty quid on absolute tat. This doesn’t happen to me in Aldi, possibly because I’m too stressed about approaching the checkout and having my shopping hurled off the back wall by a cashier with a forearm like a Russian shot-putter, but Lidl, every fucking time.
So what did I buy? I bought some strawberries, yes, very good. But I also bought two giant bars of Ritter chocolate. Some stuffed vine leaves. Some kirsch. A self-watering plant pot which has already broken from when I threw it in the boot. A ‘chips and dip’ bowl I wouldn’t even sell at a car boot sale. Some suncream – why? I live in Newcastle, the closest I get to a tan is walking past the heated cabinets in Greggs. A citronella candle with a wick so thick I feel like I’m part of the lighting of the beacons from Lord of the Rings. I bought a selection of real ale simply because the names amused me, even though I’m about as much into real ale as I am playing football and punching horses. There’s also a bag of crisps made from pasta which I’m sure will actually make Slimming World spontaneously combust as they battle to work out whether it is a tweak or not. I had to stop myself buying a set of telescopic hedge trimmers on the basis that a) all of our hedges are about 10ft and growing wildly b) I’m lazy and c) we have a gardener for that sort of thing. Not showing off, it’s just two hilariously obese blokes aren’t exactly cut out for hard graft in the garden (see Paul’s current status, above).
I did go too far, though. I bought my cats some Coshita, or whatever the Lidl cat food is. I’m not a snob, not in the slightest, but by Christ my cats are. I slopped this out of the sachet, gagging all the while (who knew that ash mixed with horse sphincter and mouse droppings could taste so nasty) and our cats wandered over to try it. I say try it, they didn’t even sniff it – just looked at the pile of food and then back at me with a look that said we’d never be friends again. I actually had to rush to our first aid box because I was so severely burnt by their coldness. They both turned and stropped straight out the cat flap and I haven’t seen them since. If I didn’t know that cats don’t have opposable thumbs I’d be willing to bet they were currently hitchhiking down the A1 to London in the hope of meeting a kinder owner who would feed them fresh chicken every day. I can’t understand their mentality – I’ve seen one cat chew up the brains, eyes and skull of a poor mouse only to then sick it back up and have the other cat have a bash at it. They’re certainly very picky considering they must spend at least 30% of their day rasping away at each other’s arsehole.
Pah. The list above isn’t even exhaustive, you know. I came back with three big bags and nothing to actually show for it. That’s why I send Paul – he knows that if he spends money on nonsense he’ll have to put up with me sitting around with a face like a collapsed mine kvetching at him for frittering money away.
Anyway, enough about me and my sexy temperament. Let’s do this recipe!
to make strawberries and cream overnight oats, you’ll need:
- 40g of Quaker or store-brand oats
- as much syn free natural yoghurt as you want – or use a Mullerlight if you’re not feeling fancy
- a couple of good handfuls of strawberries
- lighter squirty cream (12.5g) (look, I just put a good squirt in there, I don’t care) (1.5 syns)
I suppose if you cook the strawberries you ought to syn them if you follow SW’s diet to the absolute letter. People will feverishly tell you, whilst covering your blouse with their yellow spittle, that it’s because ‘IT RELISUS THE SHERGARS‘ or other bumtwattery. It isn’t. The rule is there to stop you over-eating. It doesn’t apply in this case. If I was asking you to blend fifteen punnets of strawberries then yeah, you should syn it. But as I’m assuming that you not a fucking dormouse and thus could easily sit and eat five or six strawberries in one sitting – and therefore, as you’re not ingesting any extra calories then you normally would – I don’t think you need to syn it. However, if you’re one of these people who demand everyone follows it 100% or else they’re worse than Hitler, here’s a pro-tip: have yourself seventeen Muller-lights and a Hifi bar, do it your way, I’ll do it my way, and everyone can be happy! Tra-la-la.
to make strawberries and cream overnight oats, you should:
- mix together your oats and yoghurt
- chop up all of the strawberries into little chunks and mix half into the oaty mix
- pop the rest into a cup and microwave for ten seconds, just to get the juices running, and then mash lightly with a fork
- take your phone off the hook to stop the Slimming World Mafiosa ringing you up, slurring down the line about tweaaaaaaks
- layer the jar like in the picture – half the jar with oats, then the layer of mushy strawberry, then the rest of the oats
- put it in the fridge overnight
- in the morning, top with your squirty cream and another strawberry
Want more overnight oats recipes? We’ve made loads! Hell, there’s even a boozy version for all of you who shake your way through the day!
- cafe mocha overnight oats (syn free)
- overnight oats (syn free)
- peanut butter and jelly overnight oats (4 syns)
- rocky road overnight oats (3.5 syns)
- rhubard and custard overnight oats (0.5 syns)
- apple pie overnight oats (1.5 syns)
- carrot cake overnight oats (2 syns)
- lemon meringue overnight oats (3 syns)
- chocolate orange overnight oats (3.5 syns)
- cranachan (4 syns)
More breakfast ideas? More inspiration? Just click what you need!
I love reading what you have both been upto it lifts me up when I’m down (laughing is good) Xx😂
I have almost wet myself laughing!! You have a hell of a special way with words!! If you fancy another caravan holiday, why don’t you try Port Seton, its a lovely site, close to Edinburgh, where you can actually get the bus in and out of the city so you don’t have to fret about parking or drink driving!! We are going up there week after next for 4 night (£150 – bargain), not been there for about 9 or 10 years so really looking forward to going. Love all your stories and great recipes, keep the faith. C xx
Thank god I’m not the only one who thinks overnight oats is crap. It makes me bork. Hot porridge yes, but cold porridge nooooo. 😲