Bacon cheeseburger bites, if you don’t mind! Scroll down to the pretty pictures if reading gives you a nosebleed.
Happy New Year! Gosh, that was a slog wasn’t it? Feels like Christmas has been hanging around like a winnit on your knickers for absolutely bloody ages. I’m not a fan of Christmas – all that joviality, child’s laughter and general happiness leaves me gagging into a handkerchief. Everywhere is full of people walking entirely too slowly, breathing too loudly, snotting and sniffing and hacking away. Even the supermarkets offer no relief – people who wouldn’t usually be allowed unsupervised access to a box of crayons are suddenly flush with cash and put in charge of a trolley full of turkeys. If Paul and I ever win the lottery, we’re moving to the Pitcairn Islands with a live-in rent-boy. Would that be a mortgage-boy? Huh, that sounds less erotic.
Now, as it’s New Year, there’s been an almighty spike in subscribers and blog views: welcome. Take a seat: it’s reinforced. You want to lose weight and you’ve been told about us in the same furtive manner that schoolboys whisper about the school slapper (which was, ironically, both of us). Everything you’ve heard is true. We’re filthy, but full of fun. We never get straight to the point. We swear altogether too much and you’d be astonished how many tired references about anal we can shoehorn into a cottage pie recipe. However, know this: this is a personal blog, not a SW blog, and thus the content will never change! You can always skip straight to the recipe if you find your ‘tache bristling at the crudeness.
There is a slight change this year, however. Since starting this blog we’ve typed over 500,000 words: that’s a lot of typing. My fingers are so worn down that I’d struggle to pick up a penny from a tiled floor. Sometimes it’s a chore having to think up all sorts of shenanigans before the recipe so we’re shifting focus just a little – more recipes. Not less chat, you understand – just rather than having gaps between the recipes, we’re going to save the ‘long’ posts for a couple of times a week. More holiday entries, less moaning. I hope you understand that this keeps things interesting for us – this is like the bit in a marriage where you can’t face another serving of your other half’s sausage surprise so you start making coquettish winks to the postman. Makes sense: our postman is an absolute dish. It’s all I can do not to wait at the letterbox on all fours when I see him lumbering up the path. So yes: change is coming. But we all change, when you think about it, we’re all different people; all through our lives, and that’s okay, that’s good, you’ve gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear…
- a guide to Slimming World can be found right here
- all of our recipes are indexed by food and syn value here
- you can find out more about us by clicking this link
- we have an arrangement with Musclefood for some amazing deals on their meat – you can find syn values by clicking here
- we’re on Twitter!
- we’ve also got a very successful Facebook page
- this is a blog of two gay lads which combines travel stories with our recipes – if homosexuality offends you, fuck off back to the stone ages and sort your crap haircut out whilst you’re there
- we’re not Slimming World consultants – always seek advice from The Elders if you’re unsure
- we don’t believe in outrageous levels of advertising – that’s why you’ll not see us begging you to subscribe, forcing you to ‘read more’, sticking hundreds of adverts to the point where you can’t read it or spamming your Facebook
- we cook with proper ingredients, not just whatever we happen to be shilling at the time – if we recommend it, it’s because we use it, and you’ll never need to buy ‘special’ ingredients to make our stuff
- when we do put an Amazon link in, if you buy anything through it, we make some money – it’s this that keeps Paul in gin and pregnancy tests; and
- if you’re wanting to complain about the tone or style of the blog, please direct your complaints into a cat’s bumhole rather than our inbox – you’ll find it has much the same outcome
Right! That’ll do.
Oh, a further treat for you if you like – we designed a weight-loss tracker for the year! Click the image to download a pin-sharp A4 version ready just for you!
Right, that’s quite enough nonsense. Let’s do the recipe! If you can’t be arsed to read the recipe, we’ve actually done an entirely serious video recipe for you. Yes: serious. Now that’s a screengrab you can take to the bank.
Enjoy that? We’re spent.
to make bacon cheeseburger bites you will need:
- 500g lean beef mince
- 1 red onion, diced finely
- 50g panko
- 80g reduced fat cheddar cheese
- 6 bacon medallions
- handful of gherkin slices, finely diced
- pinch of salt and pepper
- you can get decent mince AND bacon (plus loads more!) in our fantastic Musclefood packs! Just click here to find out what deals we’ve got on!
- we’d also recommend you invest in one of these cutiepies to help you out, especially with the faffy bits of chopping the onion and the gherkins!
to make bacon cheeseburger bites you should:
- cook the bacon until it’s super crisp, however you like. We used our OptiGrill and it worked perfectly! You want it really crisp!
- allow the bacon to cool down a bit, and then chop into little bacon bits (or do as we did and chuck it in a food processor)
- preheat the oven to 175°C
- next, get all of the ingredients together, chuck in a bowl and mix together
- divide the mixture into 20-25 balls and lay on a non-stick baking sheet
- cook in the oven for 20-25 minutes
- serve with tiny baby gherkins, or anything else you like!
If you’re looking for similar party food, taster night ideas or snacks, why not try some of these?
- fruit skewers
- syn free cheesy smash scones
- meatloaf cupcakes
- mini meat volcanoes
- báhn mì balls
- teeny tiny teriyaki tasters
- thai chicken dipping balls
Finally: remember to share our recipes! Just click those giant share buttons and make your friends wet with excitement!