Beef mince biryani – I’m sure there’s a billion ways of doing this recipe and this is probably the common as muck version but hey, sometimes you just fancy something spicy. Our takeaway has stopped taking our calls since Paul used to stand by the letterbox on all fours whenever the hunky deliveryman, with his baleful brown eyes and arms that promised the world, came to the door. Think that’s bad? He once put ‘Will nosh for extra dough balls‘ on our Dominos order when he was drunk and then made me answer the door. Don’t get me wrong, it’s factually correct – if anything it’s a slight understatement – but still. I wouldn’t mind but I opened the door to a lovely wee lady who looked like Sandi Toksvig trying to solve a particularly tough crossword.

Anyway, as promised, we’re going to go straight into the recipe, no messing about. We all know foreplay is a waste of time anyway, surely? Hello? Is this thing on?

Just so you know, we served this with our perfect chicken korma recipe – you know why it’s perfect? Because we don’t stir a friggin’ Muller Light into it. Why? Because we’re not simple. For scooping we used Broghies – they’re one syn crackers that can be found in most Icelands around the country by now. If they’re not in yours, run into the shop, bundle whatever old lady is in your way into a chest freezer and demand that the manager stocks them immediately. They’re perfect for dips! And no: we’re not on commission.

We found this recipe at mytamarindkitchen and I 100% a look at their blog because the food is absolutely amazing. Tweaked this for Slimming World. Let’s go.

to make the perfect beef mince biryani, you’ll need:

• five ripe tomatoes chopped up – can’t be arsed, use tinned tomatoes, but come on now
• a teaspoon of coriander, cumin and chilli powder – now, if you don’t have spices, go to your world foods bit in your supermarket and buy them in bulk – so much cheaper – keep them sealed in a good tin though
• I cheated here and used a garam masala grinder rather than making my own – was only a quid in Tesco – used about 10 good grinds
• a bay leaf or two (don’t stress if you don’t have them)
• one big fat onion, chopped nice and fine
• 500g of extra lean beef mince – or use turkey mince for even lower calories (though it’ll not change the syn value)
• 350g of basmati rise
• half a tin of cooked green lentils
• 1 clove of garlic, minced
• a good couple of handfuls of peas
• 1 inch of ginger, minced
• half a teaspoon of turmeric
• 100ml of beef stock
• one green chilli

optional extras for your mince biryani:

• one lemon and one lime
• a pinch of (shiver) saffron
• chopped mint and coriander

top tips for your mince biryani:

• we cook our rice in our Instant Pot – you absolutely don’t need one, you can cook rice just fine in a pan – but if you have a pressure cooker have a look into it – rice is a doddle! Instant Pots are quite hard to come by at the moment due to a stock shortage and, whilst we love ours, we’ve heard good things about the Pressure King Pro – only £70 on Amazon at the moment
• if you’re mincing your garlic and ginger, use a microplane grater – you don’t need to peel the garlic or ginger and it’ll save your poor wee fingers
• oh and whilst we’re on about ginger, buy a big knob of it and put it in the freezer when you’re done with it – it grates just fine frozen and it’ll save you buying it fresh every time
• and listen, if even that’s too much for you, you can buy ginger and garlic paste in most major supermarkets now – in the same jar – for a quid or two – just use a tablespoon for half a syn!

to make the perfect beef mince biryani, you should:

• soak your rice in cold water for a good half hour, and then cook it through until it is almost cooked(I like to add the turmeric to the rice as it cooks, to give it a yellow sheen) – you want a bit of bite left
• heat your oven up to about 175 degrees and get a good heavy pan out of the cupboard – you’ll need one that has a lid and can go in the oven
• spritz with a few sprays of oil, grind the masala into it and heat until it smells amazing
• add the garlic and ginger and the chopped onion – cook the onions until they take on some colour, but don’t burn them
• then add a pinch of salt, the chilli, cumin and coriander and cook off – add the stock here so it doesn’t catch and to to get all the good stuff off the bottom of the pan
• add the tomatoes and fry until they’ve softened down – then add the mince and peas and cook until that’s cooked through and has absorbed most of the moisture in the pan
• the easy bit now – layer the lentils over the top followed by the rice
• optional: add chopped mint, slices of lemon and lime and if you’re super fancy, you could dissolve the saffron in hot water (about 25ml) and pour that one
• cook in the oven for about twenty minutes with the lid on so it can steam
• once you’re happy with it, clap your hands and eat your dinner!

There. I hope that leaves you satisfied and smiling!

What? You want more curry and spicy ideas? Of course you do. You love having a bumhole that looks like a shocked mouth. Here we go then:

• tandoori chicken with roasted romanesco and onion rice (syn free)
• red lentil dahl (syn free)
• spiced lamb mince and potato aloo kheema (syn free)
• super quick and easy chicken saag aloo (syn free)
• rainbow aloo gobi (syn free)

Enjoy. Do let me know your thoughts, won’t you?

J