Stir fry cucumber and pork? You are either doing one of two things:
- experiencing confusing feelings in your nethers – you’re scared, but you want to try it; or
- you’re quietly gipping into your sleeve.
But trust me, it’s delicious! Paul, who doesn’t like cucumber whether it’s sliced, diced or hidden somewhere it’s not nice to talk about, declared the dish one of the best he’s ever had – and it’s so cheap too.
Anyway: good news everyone: I’m feeling better. Not 100%, I still feel like someone has backed a transit van over my head and everything capable of producing liquid is working over-time, but at least I’m not dying. See? Always a positive. But I need to stay rested, so let’s go straight to the recipe!
Oh, this makes enough for four nice bowls of stir fry cucumber and pork.
to make stir fry cucumber and pork, you’ll need:
- two big cucumbers (or buy three, you’ll have something to play with whilst the cucumber soaks)
- salt (smoked salt is nice, but any salt will do)
- 500g of low-fat pork mince (you can use turkey mince too)
- 3 teaspoon of light soy sauce
- 1 tablespoon of rice wine (about 0.00000001 of a syn, so fuck it)
- 2 teaspoon of oil (4 syns) (I used sesame, it’s easier)
- 1 teaspoon of fish sauce (you can buy it from most supermarkets, it’s syn free and doesn’t taste fishy)
- 1 teaspoon of cornflour (quarter of a syn, see above)
- a pinch of chilli flakes
- two garlic cloves, minced
- rice to serve
top tips stir fry cucumber and pork
- absolute full credit goes to seriouseats.com for this one – we found it a while ago and thought it would be a load of bollocks, but we’re so glad we tried it – fair play!
- quickly mince the garlic with a Microplane grater – you’ll wonder how you ever got on without one – or you can buy ready minced garlic in most supermarkets if you’re lazy
- if you’re using turkey mince, I’d suggest adding another tablespoon of oil (6 syns) because turkey can be quite dry, like me
- our chopsticks are available here!
to make stir fry cucumber and pork, you should:
- two bits of prep first:
- marinate your pork by mixing it with two teaspoons of soy sauce, the rice wine, one teaspoon of oil, the fish sauce and half a teaspoon of cornflour – really give it a good mix, and then set aside – the longer you leave it the better it will be
- peel slices from your skin of your two cucumbers so you’re left with alternating stripes around the outside, cut in half along the horizontal, so you’re left with two long halves, cut each half into chunks and then put in a bowl, scatter a good couple of pinches of salt on top, shake and leave them to sit for an hour or so
- once you’re ready to cook, in a small bowl mix two teaspoons of water, the other half teaspoon of cornflour, a teaspoon of sesame oil and a teaspoon of soy sauce – mix and set aside
- wash your cucumber chunks through a sieve to get the salt off them, and then pat
- heat up a frying pan with a few sprays of oil, get it nice and hot, then place the pork in almost like a big burger – allow to cook for thirty seconds or so exactly like that, then start breaking it up with a spatula, add the chilli flakes and garlic and cook until everything is golden brown
- now add the cucumber chunks and cook high and quick – mix your sauce again and pour it in – there’s not a lot, but the idea is to make it a bit glossy – remember, cook quick and hot
- serve with rice!
Guys, do you trust us at this point? Do we ever really post a duff recipe? No. This isn’t one of them, either. The cucumbers keep a bit of crunch but go more meaty than you would imagine. It tastes lovely and fresh and is a good, cheap alternative to a fakeaway. Give it a go!
Want more fakeaway ideas? We can help:
- cheap and cheerful chicken curry (1.5 syns)
- hiyusha chuka – noodle dish (2 syns)
- baba ganoush (2.5 syns)
- big mac burger in a bowl (1 syn)
- egg, pastrami and cheese loaded sandwiches (4 syns)
- vegetable mayflower curry (4 syns)
- fisherman’s burger (3.5 syns)
- the beast burger (5 syns)
- chicken caesar wraps (3 syns)
- firecracker glazed chicken (just under 2 syns)
- fresh spring rolls and dipping sauce (3 syns)
- one pot chinese braised beef (1.5 syns)
- the best bbq pork sandwiches (2 syns)
- chicken satay (4.5 syns)
- chubby gobstuffers (2.5 syns)
- creamy thai red chicken curry (4.5 syns)