And it’s done! The most erotic thing you’ve ever seen on the TV since Nigella pushed her fingers into that cream horn that one time. Just me?
We didn’t hit our weight loss target of 20 stone between us before the recording – but I came closest to 10 stone, missing out by a few pounds – we then followed it up afterwards and stopped when we were happy – I (James) ended up losing 10 stone 3lb, Paul lost 8 stone 7lb, which means a combined weight loss of 265lb between us – 18 stone and 9lb. To put it another way, that’s about 120 bags of sugar, or a weekend delivery to Katona HQ. No wonder our bed doesn’t scream when we climb in anymore.
You can watch our bit below – there’s two videos, the ‘before’ bit and the ‘after’ bit. Fair warning, you might want to put a towel down.
We’ve got a load of blog articles about the experience queued up but just to answer a few of the pressing questions:
How did you do it?
- Diet – Slimming World
We’re huge fans of Slimming World, as you know. We’re also rebellious in the extreme. So we did the plan, but by god, we did it our way. We didn’t use Frylight, we used olive oil and didn’t syn it. Never synned a bloody avocado, cooked fruit. We had full-fat yoghurt, not Mullershites filled with sugar.
Not once did we have: Slimming World ‘sweets’, crappy treat bags, CREAM HORNS MADE FROM WRAPS AND QUARK, apple turnovers made from bread and sweetener, pease pudding ‘lids’ for pies. If we wanted chocolate, we had it. Ice-cream, no bother. Give up booze? Pah! We took NINE holidays during our ‘year’ and still lost just shy of nineteen stone between us in a year.
So, now, I can finally say with PROOF what we’ve been saying all along: EAT PROPER FOOD. Cook with proper ingredients, with decent recipes, and you’ll not be hungry, you’ll not feel like you’re on a diet and your weight will come off. Other recipe blogs, in between nicking from Pinterest, push Frankenfood recipes made from sweetener and fake food all to sell ingredients and it is bollocks. And now, look: the proof is in our pudding.
That pudding doesn’t contain any xanthum gum, forty eggs and seventy-five Amazon links, either. Do Slimming World, the support is fantastic and the plan if you follow it is great, but instead of chasing colossal weight losses every week – do it properly, cook more, avoid the temptation for fake food and look at what you’re actually putting into your body. No quick fixes, just a diet that doesn’t feel like you’re missing out.
All of our recipes – the stuff we ACTUALLY EAT, can be found here – it’ll open in a new window!
- Fitness – Elite
Six months in and, finally able to buy one pair of jeans instead of two and stitching them together, we realised our weight loss was slowing and our fitness levels were absolutely shite. It’s all well and good being thin enough for sex but it loses the horniness when your lips turn blue when you climb on top. I’ve always said there’s no point being skinny if you get out of breath pulling back the lid of a yoghurt, and the above is just a fruitier take on the same line. So, what did we do? Gyms are boring, we’re too fabulous to run outside and there’s no guarantee of totty at a spinning class. We found Elite!
Elite is a nationwide company, expanding all the time, which offers a range of programmes to build your fitness. They are bloody amazing. We signed up for the ‘Transformation’ package where you pay a chunk for six weeks of high-intensity workouts (three a week) and a diet plan (which, because it’s low-fat healthy stuff, we made work with Slimming World). Here’s the kicker: if you lose 20lb (or more) in those six weeks, you get your money back – in total, no catches, no deductions. What greater incentive for a fat tight-arse Geordie can there be? We completed the first transformation, rolled it over another few times and lost 11 stone between us before we finished in April.
Worried you can’t do exercise? Trust us: you can. And they’re fun classes of bloody hard work, different nearly every time, with a great mixed group of people. No machismo, no pretence – everyone just getting on with their bit. Previously, the only time we’ve laughed during exercise is when Paul’s shorts split bending over to pick up a stray chicken ball – with these, it’s actually good enough fun that you can ignore your tingling fingers. There’s a mix of abilities from people who are super fit to those, like us, chubbies who could barely move. You do what you can do: you’re pushed bloody hard, but never beyond your limits. By the end of it, you’re a team. It’s cheesy and as confirmed anti-social helmets, we thought we’d hate exercising with people. Now we wouldn’t be without it. I mean Christ we ran a bloody 5k last year (remember?)
If you lose the weight, you get your money back. Simple as that. If you join up through our link, we get commission too, not going to lie, but I’ve been recommending this for months without the promise of cash in my pocket. You know us: we don’t bullshit with recommendations. If you’re local to Newcastle, let us know, we’ll happily keep you company if we can. I’m fully first-aid trained so if you pass out, my whiskery face will bring you back. I’m going to write a proper blog post about Elite and general fitness, but feel free to ask questions or, even better, click the banner below to be whisked away to find out more – and if you do sign up, mention us: twochubbycubs. Something has to pay for the great American road-trip in 2020…
What’s Davina like?
Tiny. But such a lovely, genuine, warm person – I wasn’t starstruck, I’m used to dealing with celebrity – I once saw the back of Raquel from Coronation Street’s head as she rummaged around in a freezer for frozen carrots in Presto – but any nerves disappeared the second Davina started talking to us. She’s a class act, through and through.
How do they film it?
That’s for another blog entry, but simply: you go down to London to film the first part of the show where you’re sitting on the sofa breathing shallowly and wearing your best ‘fuck me, that’s a bold pattern’ shirt. Then a whole year of filming bits into a camera, which is then edited for the middle part. Then off you go to London after a year, Davina puts the same dress back on and you walk out new men. Stitch it all together and boom, it looks like it happened overnight.
Didn’t get the number of the gorgeous bear who did my make-up. I fall in love easily, and anyone who doesn’t wince as he gets out a giant pot of foundation for my fivehead is a keeper for me. Also, the cameraman who came up to film us was absolutely dreamy. If you’re out there and fancy doing a bit of extra on the side, we’ve got an onlyfans account that needs excellent production values.
It would have been nice to hit the target, but damn, we stopped where we thought we looked good. We could have done it if we had signed up to Elite a bit quicker or spent more time at home instead of holiday, but you know what, if ifs and buts were sweets and nuts, we’d just eat them too.
If you’re reading this, and you’re inspired – do it. Start tonight. Start right now – make your own pledge, tell your family, take a whole year. Ten stone in a year sounds frightening until you realise it’s about 2.5lb a week. There’ll be days when I bet you could crap 2.5lb by 10am, the amount you eat. People get hung up on massive amounts to lose and get disillusioned when you only lose three pounds in a week. It’s Slimming World’s biggest curse that you’re constantly being pushed for bigger losses. Don’t fall for it. Lose weight slowly, lose it well, and you’ll be magic. Finish this for me.
This time next year, I’ll…
Media enquiries / sponsorship / centrefold shots / tasteful nudes: email@example.com
Well my two LITTLE Bedlington terriers, the boys done good. You both look amazing and if there’s ever a Slimming World incentive needed its you two. Huge congratulations xxx
Think you guys looked absolutely amazing..9 stone and 7 stone in a year is just wowzers..love reading your stuff. An inspiration to so many..keep at it lads..be proud..be very proud.
You both look bloody amazing!!!! Proud of you “skinnycubs”!!!!!!! ❤😘xxxxxx
I thought it was you two!
How amazing you both look, well done, a massive achievement! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Wow well done boys! Just showed my HH your pics and even he was impressed! Couldn’t watch you on tv in the middle of Spain in motorhome with no tv signal soz x
Well done guys!!
Congratulations on your amazing achievement and the way you did it too – love the “no bollocks” approach. You have inspired me. This time next year I’ll be four stone lighter. Thanks for all you do x
Wow…so that was the big secret eh?? Well done chaps.
Name change twohubbahubbs well done guys you look absobloodylutely aamaazing so proud of you both 💙💙X
Amazing results, you both look fab, well done x
You two are brilliant, done brilliantly , I’m well proud and I made my hubby watch , he’s got to follow you ! Well done xxxx
Wow well done amazing inspiration!
well done guys, amazing weight loss, love your blog and recipes. 🙏
Well done.you are truly inspirational.xxx
Just watched it. That’s fucking amazing!!!!!
Bloody well done to both of you you both looked amazing 😃
Wow you guys are absolutely amazing and you look amazing you have given me so much determination to lose this weight xx
You both look amazing, well done, a real inspiration….
Fantastic – what a great result – you should be really proud of yourselves. And you both look great, younger, fitter & fashionable!
Well done guys! Fantastic x
Well done lads, you look amazing, I seen you tonight, on Davina, you should be very proud of yourselves xx
Just wanted to that you two are fantastic I love your blog and your recipes. And you are an inspiration to thousands – “Well Done to two Amazing People “ I’m proud to be following you Both. Love Sophie from Headford, Co . Galway Ireland xxxx
Truly amazing guys!!! A real inspiration to us all, I’m a str8 guy but boy you both look fantastic and I love reading your blogs and love your recipes even more.
You guys rock and like you I’m doing the slimming world but without all the crap.
Keep it up and the blogs! ha ha ha
Take care guys.
Absolitely fan flippin tastic lads, spot on!!!!
Just watched programme you both look great, I thought you could do it as you approach it in such a way that helps you to lose weight but having fun whilst doing it. I will continue to read your blogs etc and have a laugh. Thank you for your honesty and your wit.
Truly amazing – well done both of you xx
So that’s why you kept under wraps! I couldn’t understand all the secrecy about appearance and lack of visuals. Thought maybe you were good at talking the talk – hilariously – but were struggling to walk the walk. WRONG! Well done, it’s an amazing achievement – and thanks for the support! This time next year I will have learned to swim ( fills me with horror! ), so I can support my husband with his health issues. The name change Janis suggests for you guys above, is really worth considering btw. You should definitely blow your own trumpets after your brilliant effort, determination and success! 👍🏻😘
Watched the show last night and you both look amazing. Well done both of you
love you lots
Absolutely brilliant. What fantastic guys you are and what an achievement. Very inspiring
Thank you too for all your recipes and the laughs that help us all and very best wishes for the future – you are a great couple x
Guys, so well done , you and your page have been a wonderful inspiration from the beginning of my long journey .
Big hugs to you both xx
Well done guys
can’t wait for the follow up blogs
I’m sure they will be as riveting as ever
I saw you both looking so handsome and svelte, and I filled up because you have done so very well despite all temptations at home and torments from your travels. Congratulations to you both. Who cares if you did not reach your target? Not I. They were great losses – be proud.
Wow you’ve both done amazing it’s get it into a gym I hate I ge t wht u said about clothes shops etc
Well done guys
From Jimi newcastle
Well done guys
Well done guys. Think you look amazing. Great inspiration. Time i got some exercise and cooking more
of your lovely receipes.
Am going back to Slimming World on Thursday so this was a great read at just the right time…inspiring and uplifting and as always very funny….lose weight laughing 😅
You did good, you do good and you shared it all…….many congratulations xx
I didn’t realise it was you last night when I watched the programme, you have been inspiring me with your recipies and banter for the last 12 months when I first started on this SW journey, I’ve only lost 2.5 stone in this time with about 4 to go but I’m sticking with it and I feel thrilled for you both in seeing your success.
Best wishes to you both
Well done, you guys look amazing and are so inspirational, I’ve been following you for a few years now love the blog and recipes and also your books especially the honeymoon stories as I’m a big fan of Florida too! Keep up the great work xx
Saw you both on TV and had to check you out 😁 So glad I did…..great ‘real food’ recipes and a bloody good laugh. What more could a girl ask for? Will definitely be following you from now on. Thanks for the inspiration to keep losing weight xx
Congratulations! I am gutted I can’t see this in Ireland but delighted for you.
you look fab, Cubs. Well done, be so very proud of yourselves (and I know you are) also, thank you for all the recipes that use REAL food – whilst I follow the plan of SW’s sworn enemy (I’m on WeightWatchers, and I don’t care if they re-named themselves ‘WW’) I still use your recipes because they are amazing and my hubby doesn’t feel like he’s missing out.
Keep doing what you do xx