valentines day: let’s have a legover cocktail

Legover cocktail to follow, sir?

So: we’ve moved servers and hosting – all terrifically exciting, but I apologise for the blog being offline for most of the day. But we chose Valentines Day because a) a good half of you will be doing busy roasting the broomstick to care and b) those without lovers will be too busy telling everyone how it’s all a commercial con and a waste of money. For the record, I absolutely agree with you, it is silly, but see we still exchanged cards: IMG_E556D541215C-1 IMG_1DB62D11FD97-1

I wrote Fat Tits on his envelope so he would feel special.

Now, because I’m hoping to get my wick dipped tonight, there’s no time for stories and shenanigans. I’m going straight to the recipe, people, buckle right up. Actually, I say a recipe, it’s not. Valentines Day is a time to indulge and let your hair, whether scalp or pubic, down. If I see another cheesecake baked into the shape of a heart I think I’ll combust. Remember: we don’t do twee here.


to make a legover cocktail, you’ll need:

  • champagne (you’re allowed (pfft) 125ml of champagne for 4.5 syns, so let’s say that’s two glasses)
  • strawberries
  • lime

Please, no prosecco. You’re not in a pink limousine being driven to an already regret-filled wedding. That said, don’t be using the good stuff either. Cheap and chatty is fine.

to make a legover cocktail, you should:

  • blend the strawberries and the juice of a lime as smooth as you can, taking care to ignore the ridiculous notion that you should syn a handful of strawberries just because you’ve introduced a blender to them
  • pour about an inch or so into a glass – any glass will do, hell, use a pint glass for all I care, but be careful not to take up too much of the room that the champagne needs
  • top up the glass with champagne and give that fucker a stir
  • serve to your loved one, offering to drink it out of their belly button like a cat at a puddle
  • boom goes the dynamite

Oh and as an added bonus, we made a tasteful rocket jelly with clouds, see:


Have a good one. Remember, if you’re getting any tonight, use protection. Or Frylight, that’ll keep Mags in prison rollies. Oh you can buy the knob tin here! It’s normally a lot more girthy but in my haste to get it out of the ‘tin’ I soaked it in boiling water and then poured the same boiling water over my fingers. So I certainly won’t be playing the rusty trombone tonight!

Don’t forget we’ve got lots more serious recipes right here – over 410!


being a lush on slimming world – permitted!

Only a quick post tonight as Paul and I are having a lazy day – shepherds pie for supper and all day breakfast spaghetti for lunch. It’s been a bloody awful busy week so we’re kicking back with Doctor Who and enjoying ourselves.

I don’t drink as a matter of course, since I somewhat overdid it in college, but I spotted this on offer in Sainsbury’s (£20) and had to have it. We collect Absolut vodkas and have a tonne of unopened vodkas in our man-shed but we had to open this.


Vodka weighs in at 4 syns per 35ml shot, so a double is a healthy 8 syns. Mixed with decent lemonade, that’s not a terrible way to spend an evening.

The rules around alcohol on SW are easy enough:

  • stay away from owt creamy or mixed – firstly, you shouldn’t be drinking Bacardi Breezers et all unless you’re 11, but they’re full of sugar – and Baileys etc is just cream and sugar and alcohol. That’s a no-no Nanette.
  • wine – a large glass of dry white or a decent red is 6 syns. For the record, a large glass is 175ml, not one of these:10355726_10152777656267853_4633724230039653353_n
  • bottled beer kicks in at around 9 syns per bottle, and for the most part tastes like rats piss stewed in a sock, so stay away.

No, really the only thing to take away from this post is to keep it clear and mix with diet mixers. Then you’ll be reet / turn yellow.