You’re here for the coronation chicken pasta salad, and who can blame you? Lunch times – when you work – are one of the hardest meals to get right when you’re on Slimming World. There’s only so many times you can crack open a tupperware box of cherry tomatoes and unwrap a Hifi bar before you seriously contemplate pushing your face into your desk-fan and ending it all. No? Just me?
Well the good news is it’s just a quick post tonight as we’ve got boot-camp to go to and these tits aren’t going to heave themselves, are they? But I do have a quick question for all the cat lovers out there: is there a reason why a perfectly standoffish cat would certainly be all over me like bird crap o a just-washed car?
I ask because that’s exactly what has happened with Bowser, our tom cat with the torn ears. He’s gone from spending his life giving me disdainful looks and wiping his arse on the carpet (particularly galling – he’s fully wormed, so he’s doing it out of spite and/or copying Paul) to hanging around me all day, mewing and purring. He seems happy enough – no obvious pain, eating his food, constantly looking cheerful, he’s given up smoking – but I can’t deny it isn’t getting irritating.
Things came to a head today when I woke up with his tiny little anus about the distance of the thickness of a stamp away from my eyes. He had decided, in his infinite, faintly-Whiskers-scented wisdom, that the first thing I needed to see when I cracked my eyes open was an extreme close-up of what looked like a drought-hit reservoir. It took me a moment or two to work it out, and you can only imagine how pleased I was that I hadn’t assumed it was Paul coming in for a kiss.
I forgave him quick enough when he turned on his tractor-purr and started padding about. He means well, and anyway, who hasn’t been so proud of their own jail purse that they want to show their nearest and dearest? It’s why I’m not welcome at weddings.
However, I can forgive many things, but not using my scrotum as a pulling-up point. See, in his haste to get up on my shoulders, he decided to climb up me as I sat nude after the shower – and rather than using his feline athleticism to leap up onto the back of my chair as he has done so many times previously, he jumped up and implanted his claws right into my ball-sack on his way up.
I’m amazed that he didn’t explode Scanners-style, given how high-pitched and immediate my reaction was. He dashed out into the garden whilst I tried to work out how I’d gone from approving posts on facebook to staggering around with a punctured spunk-bunker. Thank god I don’t need to worry about my fertility.
Anyway. All is well. I sat on a bag of peas for a bit (Paul can have them in his dinner, they’ll come with free dental-floss for after) and thankfully, everything still seems to work. At 4pm the cat came back in and, looking as compunctious as a cat can be, spent the next hour rubbing against my legs and purring until I picked him up and placed him back on my shoulder.
He makes a shit parrot.
If anyone has any clues as to why he’s suddenly come over all familiar, I’d be delighted to hear it. Now, let’s get this coronation chicken pasta salad underway, yes?
coronation chicken pasta salad
Yield 6 servings
Listen, you can chuck anything into a salad like this, but we've kept it simple. If you want to drop the syns, leave out the mango chutney or get rid of the sultanas, but listen: this makes six massive portions, and the syns make it so much better. You'll enjoy this coronation chicken pasta salad more for using proper ingredients, trust me.
You can leave out the chicken if you want to keep costs down!
- 500g of macaroni pasta
- 220g of Philadelphia Lightest (this is 2 HEAs - so you're using a third of your HEA...up to you if you just want to sneak it through - gasp!)
- 1 tablespoon of mild curry powder
- 4 tbsp of mango chutney (6 syns)
- 200g of fat-free natural yoghurt
- 50g sultanas (7 syns)
- 1/2 cucumber, deseeded and diced
- 2 celery sticks, diced
- juice of half a lemon
- two chicken breasts, cooked and diced/shredded (feel free to leave this out)
- pinch of salt
So that's thirteen syns between six servings - let's call it two syns each. These are big portions!
- well I mean, come on
- cook the pasta, drain it and run a load of cold water through it so it doesn't stick
- chop the celery, chicken and cucumber (remove the seeds)
- mix everything together in a giant bowl
- so how easy was that?
- this will keep in the fridge for a few days, but good luck not picking away at it - ours didn't last more than two days...
- we got the base of this recipe from BBC Good Food, and adapted it a little to add taste
- we've tried many lunchboxes in our time - we've exhausted our local Grindr options (thank god we're near a motorway!) - but these are the lunchboxes we come back to time and time again - cheap too!
More lunch ideas you say? Want more pasta ideas?
- Hawaiian pizza pasta bake (syn free)
- slow cooker lasagne (syn free)
- brussell sprouts and bacon risnotto (syn free)
- garlic, chicken and bacon pasta (syn free)
- slimming world carbonara (syn free)
- baked spaghetti pie (syn free)
- chicken and pea lasagne
- butternut squash spaghetti sauce (syn free)
- chicken and bacon pasta (syn free)
- rainbow bulgur wheat salad with bacon and feta (syn free)