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November 19, 2014

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that’s why tums go to Iceland

Whilst I lie here plucking fitfully at my duvet and bemoaning my tonsils, I’ve been reading Slimming World’s facebook page and their recent announcement that they plan to produce ready meals and sell them through Iceland in the New Year. That’s Iceland as in the arse-and-eyelid sausages purveyor rather than the country – think what a trek that would be if you wanted a watery shepherds pie. You’d certainly get your platinum body magic award, and I’m sure hákarl (fermented shark, pissed on and left to ferment) (as the tale goes) is syn free. Delicious!

This move has proved divisive, with two camps forming on either side of the argument – one who believes that this is the beginning of the end for Slimming World’s core values, moving away from ‘fresh, home-cooked food’ into over-processed crap ala Weight Watchers that’ll get pushed at you via the classes in the manner of those persistent chuggers everyone crosses the street to avoid. The other side think it’s a great idea – having a few ready-meals in the freezer means that, at the end of a busy day, you can chuck something syn-free in the oven and not have to worry about your diet.

I can see the argument about Slimming World moving away from its core values – it’s always been drummed into me that SW is about healthy eating, making recipes from scratch, enjoying fresh meals with lots of taste and flavour. That’s surely still the case. What the ready meals do is provide an option ‘on the side’ – if you get stuck, they are there as a back-up. I imagine most people do what I do, which is cook for four people, divide three portions between the two of us and stick the fourth in the freezer (then generally go back ten minutes later and pick at it). If they changed the plan to say that in order to lose weight, you’d have to eat at least one ready meal a day, I could understand the discord – that’s ridiculous. But if the plan remains the same and this is something you can incorporate if you choose to, then I really see no problem.

Another argument I’ve seen is that this is a terrible idea as the meals will be over-processed, full of nonsense food and salt. Absolutely. But then so are Pasta ‘n’ Sauces, and mugshots, and Muller yoghurts, and curly-wurlys, and those god-awful pumice-stone-meets-aspartame Hi-Fi bars they sell in class. Unless you prepare every single meal from stuff you’ve butchered yourself or grown in your garden, arguing about ready meals being over-processed is a fallacy.

Howver, perhaps the most hilarious reaction to this whole debacle is from the braying masses who find the fact it is Iceland selling the ready-meals to be the most objectionable part. I’ve seen many, many posts with this weird snobbery attached and one exclaiming that ‘if SW had partnered up with Waitrose this would have been a great thing’, as if Waitrose ready-meals come with someone to prick the cellophane on the top with a golden fork, press the microwave button with a velvet glove and then wipe your taint clean eight hours later. I shop at Waitrose and I’m as common as muck. That side of the argument is truly ridiculous – a ready meal in Waitrose is going to be as full of crap, preservatives, cheap bits of meat and salt as a one in Iceland, only you might have Heston Bloominghell plastered across the front like a smirking egg.

So, because my Sudafed is kicking in and I’m about to go to a blue-sky paradise, let me say this. I’m all for it. More choice on a diet of restriction can only be a good thing. Those bleating about it diluting Slimming World’s core ideal, just don’t buy the product. If it doesn’t sell, they’ll stop, and if they do sell, it shows there is a market for it. If your problem is that the meals will be full of nonsense, then don’t buy it. And finally, if your problem is that it is Iceland rather than Waitrose or Sainsburys, then have a bloody word with yourself.

J

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November 18, 2014

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competition: win ‘a Slimming World Christmas’!

 

James is in bed (well actually no he’s on the settee under our duvet moaning, mopping his brow theatrically and asking for ice) so unusually, I’m writing tonight’s blog entry. That’s not the normal system – I usually cook, he usually gets all sassy about it on here. So if I’m not up to scratch, forgive me. He is contributing from the sofa so hopefully there’ll be a few bitchy comments.

Anyway, clearly the pain medication has made him delirious and weakened because he’s actually agreed to give something away for free that we can sell on ebay for profit. He is very Geordie that way – when he takes a tenner out of his wallet the Queen blinks in the light. But in the interest of a bit of publicity, here we are. We were given two copies of this book when we recently signed up for a 12-week countdown (pay for 10 weeks, get 2 free). Would have been nicer to get a different book each but that’s the way the low-fat chickpea cookie crumbles.

SO YOU CAN HAVE IT. Now when we say you will win ‘A Slimming World Christmas’ from us, it doesn’t mean that we’ll hop in the car, nip round to yours, criticise your curtains and steal your silver. It’s just the book, delivered by top-priority second-class post to anywhere in the UK. Sorry International Readers but your time will come!

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Sixty recipes mind! Each more festive than the last, because what says ‘go on spoil yourself’ then measuring out a single Baileys, thinning it out with fromage frais and crying into your food diary. Santa himself won’t be able to resist as he spots your Christmas cookies by the fire, made of spelt and lament.

I’m doing the book a disservice actually. It’s a great book and the recipes are decent SW fodder. If it means you don’t pig out and ruin that diet of yours, then why not give it a go?

ALL you have to do is:

  • leave a comment under this blog with the answer to this question: ‘What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever had in your mouth – and what do you reckon the syns would be’

and

  • be a follower of the blog. The sign-up box is on the right. Put the first five letters or so of your email address (not the full thing!) that you use to sign up in with your answer below so I can match up the winner. Existing followers don’t need to do this bit, obviously!

I’ll use a random picking thing to choose a winner! Please take this competition in the spirit it is meant – it’s a £4.95 book, not a trolley dash around ASDA or a new car. Don’t enter if you’re not a slimmer or don’t need the book for yourself or a mate – I’d rather someone who needed it got it!

Good luck!

The competition closes on 25 November and I’ll endeavour to get your book in the post the day after. Feel free to share in your various slimming groups!

OK. That’ll do.

P

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November 17, 2014

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weigh in week nine – but that’s impossible! they’re on instruments!

Monday night! You know what that means! No, not THAT, no that’s for birthdays only or when I want to buy a new car – no, Monday night is weigh-in night! So without further delay:

weeknine

Now that’s an awful lot of penis colada, or as it is known in some circles, an Essex mouthwash. I jest, I’m from the town with the friggin’ Bigg Market – the street of broken dreams, broken windows and broken hymens. It’s getting difficult to come up with suitable weight comparisons!

CHUFFED with the weight-loss this week, because I really thought I was going to gain, not because we’ve been eating especially badly – we’ve been good, as you can see by the recipes, but I just felt…fat! Paul has had a lot on at work so has been snacking, but we’ve both decided to give an experiment a go – from tomorrow until next weigh in, we’re going to use exactly 0 syns (or at least try to). This actually goes against the Slimming World way a little, but I’m curious to see what the results are. Before we embark on this week, we’re going to make a MONSTER. More on that during the week!

We were chatting in the car that previously we would have been disappointed with the slow weight loss – we’re definitely chase-the-numbers type of people. But the key is – before we used to cut stuff out, and go without – nevermind making all sorts of new recipes. It was a deprivation diet, and as soon as you stop that, you go straight back onto the crappy foods and bad habits. By doing it slowly, spending our syns and making sure we cook something new at least five times a week, we’re keeping it interesting and neither of us is craving bad food (although Paul timed that impeccably – he brought me a cheese slice in from the kitchen as I typed ‘neither of us’, haha). I have been a proper yo-yo dieter in the past – here’s to hoping that a) this is going to stick and b) it keeps going!

Goodnight!

Oh, and:

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November 16, 2014

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american, classics, lunch, pork, pork joints, recipe card, savoury snacks, slow cooker, snacks, syn free, taster ideas

campfire stew or cowboy stew

CRASS WARNING! CRASS WARNING! SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH IF BROWN HUMOUR OFFENDS!

Well, that was bad planning. Having spent the last three days with a full-house and needing a flush thanks to the meat loaf, tuna and beef stew, I resorted to taking a Senokot Max thinking it might gently move things along at some point this evening. Half an hour later, I’m stuck on the thunderbox crying my life away as the world fell out of my bottom. So I’m not venturing far today, and I might spend the day ironing instead. That’s the main problem with Slimming World – you’re never quite sure whether you’ll be coming or going one day to the next.

OK YOU’RE SAFE.

I finally gave into Paul’s demands and purchased a tumble dryer. I think he was ashamed at having our George boxers sailing gaily around on the rotary dryer in the garden, with their stretched elastic and rubbed gussets. He still has a piece of underwear from when we first met, he claims they’re the most comfortable pair he’s ever owned and refuses to throw them out. I’m actually surprised they don’t walk out on their own. I railed against getting a tumble dryer for bloody ages because I thought we’d get damp in the house (we can’t have a vented one, there’s no space, so we’ve had to go for a condensing unit) but he won out when he promised me he’d tumble my socks and underwear in the morning before I got out the shower, meaning they’d be warm. Come on, that’s true love right there.

Today’s recipe, breaking with tradition and posting my lunch instead of the evening meal, is the WORLD FAMOUS (in Slimming World circles) campfire stew, given a far more Brokeback Mountain based hilarious name. This is syn-free, makes four servings, and is proper delicious. Also – incredibly easy to make if you have a slow-cooker.

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to make campfire stew or cowboy stew:

Well – no real need to break down the ingredients – they’re all above, and the recipe is simple – chop the onion and peppers, add everything into a slow cooker, cook on low for eight hours, pull apart with two forks and serve with chips. You will need to add some superfree on the side to make this exactly right, but as a one-off, I didn’t bother, and just had two satsumas on the side. I know, I’m a devil.

A tip though – don’t, for the love of God, put your gammon straight into the slow cooker from the shop. Prepare it a day before by putting it in a pan of cold water, leaving it to sit, and changing the water every six hours or so. This will draw the salt out – you can do the same by boiling it for a bit, but I think that’ll make it tough. Do the cold water rinse for 24 hours and then cook and it’ll taste so, so much better. If you don’t bother, be prepared for your stew to taste like you’ve rinsed it through the sea at Whitley Bay (only without a turd bobbing around in the slow cooker).

Enjoy! I’m off to cry a bit more and put a loo roll in the fridge for later.

J

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November 15, 2014

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beef, diced beef, low syn, recipe card

beef and butterbean stew

Tonight, for our evening meal, we have:

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This diet is definitely working- I tried a new shirt on (well an old one, actually, with super bright multi-coloured stripes – I look like an ice-cream seller) and it fits! I resisted the urge to come mincing out the bedroom singing ‘I look handsome I look smart I’m a walking work of art’ and jazzhanding at Paul, but only just.

Do you know, I’ve never heard anything back from The Chase about my recent application. I’m secretly a bit gutted. All I want is for my star to shine on TV – first I narrowly missed getting on the bus with Coach Trip, now even Bradley Walsh is turning me down. I’d quite like a stab at Gogglebox too, if I’m honest, although I don’t think Channel 4 could cope with Paul and I sitting on our pleather settee in our knickers with pastry crumbs cascading down our chests whilst we slag off all and sundry. Plus I do spend an impressive amount of time scratching my feet with a Ped-Egg and I can imagine that would look especially unsavoury in HD, with my cheesy foot snow billowing about every time we fart. I’ve been trying to persuade Paul to play with me on New Super Mario World on the Wii U but because he’s got eyes that can see both ends of a wedding buffet at the same time (he never looks forward to anything), he can’t handle 3D games. But then I can’t handle discussing the political implications of the North Korea situation like he can, so we balance each other out. UNLIKE HIS EYES.

Eee what a cow. Here’s the recipe.

to make beef and butterbean stew:

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ingredients: three red onions, cut nice and small, light jus-rol pastry, chopped tomatoes, 400ml of beef stock, cornflour, smoked paprika, garlic, lean beef casserole, butter beans and an egg

recipe: pop the hob onto a medium-high heat and get your casserole pot out (preferably one you can bung in the oven). A splash of olive oil on the bottom or frylight if you’re syn-free. Roll your meat around in a teaspoon of cornflour and smoked paprika. You can skip this bit if you like – I didn’t, because the flour helps it not to stick, but as this serves four, I didn’t syn it – if you want to be super-careful it’ll be 1 syn at most. Fry the meat for three minutes to get a good seal on it. Take the meat out, put the onion in to saute, and then add everything into the pot.

Now your choice is simple. Hob for two hours on medium or oven for three. I prefer the oven, because it takes longer and the flavours develop. The meat I got from Sainsbury’s was as tough as old boots – I actually went onto their facebook and left a message:

‘By ‘eck Sainsburys. I’ve had some tasteless, flabby portions of meat in my mouth in my time but never have I had the displeasure I’ve just felt trying to chew my way through your ‘diced lean casserole beaf steak’ pack that you recommend for your beef and butter bean pie. Tasteless, tough meat that I could probably bounce on the floor as it was so rubbery. Felt like I was eating calamari. I feel I’d have enjoyed more flavour, and certainly more succulence, if I’d ripped up a floor tile from your Cramlington store and made that into a casserole. Even my cat, who isn’t picky, turned her nose up at it, and she licks her own bottom all day long.’

I actually salvaged the dinner by cooking it for three hours – I think two hours on the hob won’t cut it if you use cheaper meat. Your call!

If you want the stars, syn them at 4 syns (and again, that’s being generous). Easy enough, unroll the pastry and cut them out with a cutter. I’ve actually got a penis-shaped cutter, but I thought that would look ungainly. Brush with egg and put them in a hot oven for fifteen minutes, or until they’re golden brown.

We had the usual sweet potato mash – chop potatoes, rice them, add a drop of horseradish and the remainder of the egg you’ll use to glaze the stars. Mix, and serve. Broccoli on the side.

extra-easy: yes, 0 syns if you omit the pastry stars and the cornflour, but again, remember you’re eating to be happy, not punishing yourself. Get out of the mindset of being scared to use your syns and spend them on making your food that little bit better. THAT said, if you didn’t have pastry, you could throw the mash on top and have a sort of shepherds pie. If you’re INSANE. To work out the syns, well here’s a copy of the post I made explaining it!

I used a teaspoon of cornflour, most of which was left in the bottom of the bowl – so split between four, is almost nothing (I did say this in the blog to make sure mind!). I’ve never synned the garlic – but looking at it, if you use the paste, it’s a syn per tablespoon – so I generally use the powdered stuff. As for the pastry – 100g which made enough stars for four servings, it’s 53 syns (!) for 320 – so I worked it out as 4 syns for the stars!

top tips: The scraps of the Jus-Rol could easily be made into those cinnamon swirl things you see dotted around various groups. But that’s just pastry, cinnamon and sweetener – and we’re talking a LOT of sweetener, and it isn’t very good for the body. Your call mind, I’m not lecturing! If you wanted, just cut out strips, sprinkle sweetener and cinnamon, and roll them up into a wheel shape. Mmm! 2 syns each. Just have a bloody Freddo and get on with it!

J

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November 14, 2014

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low syn, lunch, recipe card, seafood

seared tuna with carrot flowers

The meal this evening:

Tuna

Tonight was supposed to be a lovely romantic night, filled with Amazing Race and cosiness on the settee. I was going to take the lock off the central heating and allow Paul to put the heating on – well, it was icy on my car this morning, I think I’ve been entirely Geordie enough about the temperature thing. We’ve got one of those god-awful ‘why yes, I’m incontinent’ gas fires that the previous old couple had installed and I hate it. It hisses and smells, rather like Paul – and has equally dangerous levels of combustible gas. Anyway. That idea was quite literally put to bed as, after I made him the delicious dinner you see below, he went to ‘drop the kids off’ and fell asleep on the toilet. So he’s away for an early night (in bed, that is – he’s not still on the netty) and I’m left to do the cleaning up, accompanied only by the sound of his snoring, gasping for air and death-rattle farting. He’s lucky he’s so deliciously squishy.

Actually, I say it’s quiet, but I’m actually being tormented by Cat Number 2 (Sola), who is currently outside the house trying to get in. No problem, I’ll open the door. Except when I do, she sits there meowing and runs off as soon as I go to pick her up. Now she isn’t fucking Lassie, I know there’s no-one trapped down a well (and plus she’s an evil cat – she’d be at the top of the well having a shit over the rim rather than dashing for help), she’s just doing it to torment me. I sit down at the computer chair, and I hear the scratching at the front door begin. Then, she sticks her paw in a loose bit of fixture on the door and pulls it back just enough to make a tapping sound. Again and again and again. I put up with it, I curse at her, then I eventually get up, open the door, and off she flees. My own cat is playing Knocky-fucking-Nine Doors with me! It’s bad enough I wake up to the sight of her licking her pencil sharpener every single morning, now she’s bullying me at night too! Bag. I might see if I can take her to the vet and get her un-spayed, just because she was so hilariously grumpy for the few days after her last op. That’ll teach her.

to make seared tuna with carrot flowers:

Tuna2

No need for a recipe breakdown here, I don’t think – says it all above! The bit about balsamic pearls is just something extra, you absolutely don’t need to dick about doing that. It does look good though, even if the tuna in the photo looks like Vern from the leech scene in Stand by Me. Don’t judge, I only had a crappy sugar thermometer. Always good to learn new techniques though and it was the recipe here that I used. Give it a go!

Oh! One thing. You could easily make this a syn free meal by omitting the horseradish, but I find it adds a nice hit of heat to an otherwise plain, but delicious, dinner.

I’m trying hard to get into fish for an evening meal, with the old adage of ‘if it swims, it slims’ ringing in my ears. But so far, only tuna has passed muster, with everything else being deemed too fishy by my sensitive tastebuds. People always do the same thing when I mention I don’t like fish – have you tried swordfish, oysters, trout, blah blah – yes! I have! I’m not unadventurous when it comes to food – I’ll try anything and never say I don’t like something without trying it. So I’m working my way through more fish, but, you know if you were to put down a steak and a piece of fish, you’d be able to tell which was fish because of the taste? It’s THAT taste I don’t like. Not fishiness, just…non-meatiness!

Fish does remind me of a favourite memory, though. I used to go on holiday to Montreuil-sur-Mer with a very good mate, and despite us both being common as muck, we decided to see if we could get a table at the poshest restaurant in the area, the Château de Montreuil, a ridiculously uptight fine-dining affair, not quite our level. Well no, nowhere near our level. We managed to bluff our way through the million courses until we were served a tiny blini with what I imagine was very good caviar atop. At the precise moment my friend put it into his mouth, I made a snide comment about one of the waiters and, of course with me being so deliciously cutting, he promptly burst out laughing, with the barely digested blini and caviar arcing gracefully across the table and landing in my doubtless very-expensive glass of white wine. Well, that was it for me, I was beyond help, in veritable paroxysms of laughter, but he was momentarily ashen. What to do? All manner of French lemon-mouthed hoity-toitys had turned to look at us. So, cool as a chinese cucumber, he reaches across the table, lifts my glass and downs the lot – wine, caviar and blini – in one full gulp and crashes the glass down on the table with a loud exclamation of ‘DEE-LICIOUS’.

Good heavens.

It’s no wonder other nations think we’re such an uncultured bunch. Ah he’s brilliant.

I’m off to try and rouse Paul and salvage the last of our evening. I want my bloody one-syn chocolate orange for one thing! I’ve mulled over the best way to wake him up, and I’ve settled on playing Les Dennis doing his Mavis impression on loop through the wireless speaker in our bedroom. Ain’t I a stinker…

Goodnight,

J

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November 13, 2014

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look at my pussy and smell my cherry

Just a quick post as we’re watching The Fall and I love Gillian Anderson. She’s possibly the only woman who I’d kill Paul for. I used to be a proper X-Phile back in the day, but that went to the wayside when I discovered a) boys and b) tauter, less convoluted drama. So, as I’m watching that, I just wanted a quick word on something I’ve found that really hits my sweet tooth and is completely syn-free – wild cherry tea. It smells amazing and I found it for 70p for the tin in a chinese supermarket. There was a whole range of flavours, but I used to smoke cherry tobacco so thought this might replace that taste. It’s delicious! Other teas are meant to be beneficial to your health, particularly green tea – so why not give them a whirl and see how you get on. Much better to have a cup of black tea than a box of Black Magic, after all…

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Finally, as compensation for no recipe today, here’s a picture of Cat One (Bowser) enjoying my freshly laundered towels. The little tinker looks bright as ever.10733724_782297968510475_6257548938090561680_o

Goodnight all. Baked polenta and chicken recipe card coming tomorrow…

J

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November 12, 2014

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american, beef mince, low syn, pork, pork mince, recipe card, savoury snacks, snacks, taster ideas

half a syn american meatloaf

You know what I miss most from the last two decades or so? My hair. I used to have amazing hair. My friends, family and everyone in existence would doubtless think otherwise, but I don’t care. I grew my hair for a good three years or so, dyed it a myriad of different colours, and always had something fun to play with during those tricky times when having a wank just wasn’t appropriate behaviour, such as sitting on a bus or the funeral of a loved one. It was thick, luxurious, well-maintained – I loved being able to lie in the bath and swish it around in the water, I loved being able to tie knots in it, hell, I even straightened it once with a pair of straighteners and it was like the second coming. I do want to say though – at no point did I ever have one of those awful fringes which covered the eyes and necessitated that awful neck-throwing action that seems to be everywhere. I was never an Emo McGee. Too fat for it, for one thing, and I didn’t have the wherewithal to start putting shit poetry on Livejournal.

Of course, wistful recollection is a wonderful thing, but in reality, I probably looked like the abandoned child of Snape from Harry Potter and old ‘why use one voice when nineteen layered over the top of each other will do’ Enya. When I was thin, it fair suited me, but when I was a porky fella, I just looked like a hairy Christmas bauble. I remember going to France with a mate when I was eighteen, and during a daring bit of drunkenness, having all my hair removed – and we’re talking hair down to the middle of my back shaved off and my head left as smooth as a bowling ball. My mum walked straight past me at the airport and then spent the next twenty minutes shrieking and telling me I looked normal again. Cheers mum. For the first time in years, I felt a draft around my ears that even now makes me wince and long for the comfort of my Fructis-scented wonderhair. Ah well. Those days are definitely behind me, given that I’ve got hair like Steve McDonald now, and it’s easier just to cut it myself than see myself reflected in a barber’s mirror, light bouncing off the smooth, hairless front where so many beautiful hairs once lay. Sigh. The reason for this hair chatter by the way was the simple, indubitable truth that if I was to grow my hair again, I’d look like the time Heather from Eastenders dresSed up as Meat Loaf (hence the meat loaf recipe). See?

meatloaf

Anyway, come on, enough about times past. I went to see Interstellar last night, hence no post – apologies. However, I’ve got a corking recipe below for meatloaf which is perfect homely food for these cold nights. Interstellar, by the way, is absolute bobbins. It starts off promising enough, but then descends into look-at-me schtick and aren’t-I-clever writing. Plus, every time Anne Fucking Hathaway opened her mouth I started having internal flashbacks to her caterwauling through Les Misérables a couple of years ago and had to stop the shakes with my salted popcorn. I’m sorry, but I just don’t like her – and I think my friend summed it up best when she said that ‘the biggest black hole in the entire movie is when Anne opens her letterbox mouth’. Haha!

SO shush man, meatloaf.

to make half a syn american meatloaf:

Meatloaf

ingredients: two stalks of celery, 1 medium carrot, an onion, small pepper, 3 mushrooms (I used shiitake because…well because they were all I had in the fridge, but I reckon they add a good strong taste, so roll with it), 500g of beef mince (remember, 5% fat or under), 500g of pork mince, three slices of breadcrumbs (though we only ended up using two slices worth – just gauge how wet your meat is before you pound it, haha), 2 large eggs, 1 tomato, seasonings. Ketchup or passata.

recipe: get that oven up to 190 degrees and lightly frylight a loaf tin. Actually, you know what, fair enough if you want to stay away from syns, but I can’t recommend frylight anymore. Do as I do and use a drop of olive oil and spread it around. It’ll be enough and you’re not having that mess of chemical water you get in frylight.

Use the food processor to blitz the bread into crumbs. Empty out. Cut the celery, carrot and onion up in the food processor. Add a clove of garlic if you like. Cook the chopped-up pepper and mushrooms until soft. Chuck everything into a bowl – all the meat, the two eggs, crumbs (don’t use all of them, keep some aside in case you need to add more if your mixture is too wet – it’s a lot easier to add something than try to balance it!), the cooked mushroom and peppers, the veg paste from the food processor and the chopped tomato. Add in a proper good glug of worcestershire sauce and salt and pepper. Season as much as you think, and then add a bit more. Really pound your meat and get everything mixed together, and then shape it so it looks like a loaf. Drop it into your tin and smear tomato ketchup on the top. If you want to save syns, use some passata, but the sugars from the ketchup finish the dish off.

You’ll need to cook this for a good while – we went for 90 minutes, but start using your common sense from about 75m in. LEAVE to cool and serve with your sides. We went for sweet potato and peas.

Now listen – this will easily make eight servings. It’s up to you how much you want to eat, but this can very easily be turned into leftovers the next day with some pasta, or even in a sandwich as long as you use your healthy extra for the bread.

extra-easy: yes, but make sure you make the sides of the meal nice and high in superfree food. You could do a salad, or cabbage, or anything – but the meatloaf itself won’t make up your 1/3 rule. Syn wise is negligible, to be fair. Tomato ketchup is 1 syn per level tablespoon – so two tablespoons of that to cover the top and then split into eight is quarter of a syn. If you’re going to be fussy, use passata, but haway, Two slices of wholemeal bread is a healthy extra (small loaf mind) and although I blended up three, I only needed two – and again, you’re splitting this into eight servings. So…up to you, but I didn’t syn the bread as I used it as a healthy extra!

top tips: this looks like quite an expensive meal to make, given the amount of meat, but you can nearly always buy the mince on a deal. I don’t recommend making it all from beef because it doesn’t have quite the same texture, but you could try it. You can freeze it too. Plus, this makes a BIG loaf. YOU’LL be making a big loaf afterwards, I can assure you. Enjoy!

J

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November 10, 2014

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weigh in week eight – Mr Sleek will see you now

Firstly, the results of week eight:

weekeight

Remember Sooty, because I’ll get to him in a second.

Only a quick post tonight as I’m about to have my tea (chicken burger – Heck variety from Tesco for 1 syn each) but just wanted to put it out there that between Paul and I, we’ve lost two stone in eight weeks. Now, the weightloss hasn’t been rocketing along, but that’s how we like it – slow and steady will always win the race. Slow, breathless and clutching my left arm will almost certainly win too. We’re going to have a strict week starting from tomorrow though and aim for at least 2.5 each next week. Go go go…

Also, I won Mr Sleek! I know it was a shoo-in as there are very few men who come to my group but it was still a lovely honour. Many words can be used to describe me: cheerful, effervescent, roly-poly, jolly, prepossessing, modest – but sleek? No. I’ve never been called that. I got a new fancy sticker on my book and a certificate to wave in Paul’s face whenever he wants me to rub his feet and/or move.

Finally, I mentioned above that we’ve lost the equivalent of a cat called Sooty. Well, here he is – this will help visualise what it is we have lost…

sooty1RP1402_468x498

A two stone cat! I want him.

J

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November 9, 2014

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low syn, lunch, pasta, recipe card, vegetarian

roasted aubergine persian pasta

Today has been an exhilarating day, given we slept in until twelve (at least we were silent at 11am, though Paul probably let one go in the silence as he did have roasted aubergine pasta last night) (we did pay our respects properly, later, privately) and then fannied about ironing and cleaning until we realised it was almost 3pm and we hadn’t planned our meals for the week ahead or done the big-shop. Seriously, inside our fridge at 3pm was a limp leek and a can of Tab, and no amount of fromage bloody frais was going to make that into an interesting meal. So, clothes hurtled on, recipes dug out and a list planned and we were in the car within 15 minutes. Good work.

I have to say, we stopped going to Tesco about a year ago because we found the produce to be poor and the prices to be high, but we’ve recently been pleasantly surprised – the Tesco in Kingston Park has been done out and seems a lot fresher, although who the fuck would eat at the newly opened Giraffe restaurant opened in the supermarket? Who, in this county of wonderful country pubs and fantastic eateries thinks that what they really need with their microwaved pasta dish is the soothing sounds of sunday shoppers, bellowing and mooing their way to the whoops aisle, red-faced shitty-arsed children bawling away in the trolleys and a Metro thundering past every ten minutes in a streak of electrical fire? EH? Answer me that.

Aubergine pasta

Firstly, CRIME FRAICHE? For heaven’s sake. I apologise profusely. My iPad autocorrecting me into madness again.

I can’t actually remember where I found this recipe, only that it’s been in my notebook for a while to try out. I know it’s a Yotam Ottolenghi recipe and I could find the source if I looked, but I’m a lazy lazy man. This is part of our ongoing mission to not get bogged down in the ‘same old’ recipes – trying something new at least four times a week.

to make roasted aubergine Persian pasta you will need: 

spaghetti, three big aubergines, 0% greek yoghurt, weight watchers creme fraiche, lemon juice, dried mint, saffron (optional), garlic, cumin, salt and pepper.

to make roasted aubergine Persian pasta you should: 

first the aubergine – prick them all over and pop them into the oven for 1 hour. After this, take them out, leave to cool, scoop out the flesh inside and discard the skin. Pop the flesh into a colander and give it a push around with a spoon just to break it up and drain the liquid. Put to one side and leave to cool.

If you’re using the saffron, pop a couple of strands in a cup with two tablespoons of warm water to infuse.

Next, put your spaghetti on to cook – assuming it’ll take about fifteen minutes – but feel free to stagger these stages if you’re a little wary of doing too many things at once in the kitchen. I know I am. Pop the creme fraiche (I synned 2 syns for 50g) and the parmesan (50g of grated parmasan – again I synned two syns – based on using up my healthy extra on the cheese and then 4 syns for 25g extra, which is being strict) in and whisk on a medium heat until it is smooth. Allow to cool for a moment, and add the yoghurt, and keep on whisking but this time on a low heat – if the mixture is too hot and you’re not whisking, it’ll separate and that’s it, you’ll need to start again. Once smooth, set aside.

Next (or at the same time, if you’re quick at chopping onions like me), dice your onion into tiny pieces, and saute in a pan with the cumin seeds (say a teaspoon) – hot enough to get the oil out of the seeds, mind. Knock the heat down when the onions are golden, add the aubergine flesh, two tablespoons of lemon juice, a bit of garlic, plenty of salt and a few good twists of black pepper. Cook for ten minutes or so.

Once your spaghetti is cooked to your liking (and for gods sake, cook it properly, don’t cook it to death – you should be able to slurp the spaghetti, not sieve it through your teeth), chuck it back in the empty pan, pour some dried mint (or if you’re feeling decadent, a teaspoon of olive oil with dried mint infused in it – 6 syns) through it and plate up. Add the aubergine mixture on top, then the creamy sauce, then some more mint and salt on top. If you’ve made saffron water, put a few drops on the top – it adds a very discreet flavour but it’s worth it.

extra-easy: yup – easily one third of the dish is the roasted aubergine, so worry ye not. Syn free on green too, but not a red recipe. But let’s not overegg the pudding anyway, I’m definitely an extra easy guy.

top tips: you don’t have to do this, but I think it is worth the extra three syns to use olive oil in your spaghetti – especially with the mint infused within it. It just adds an extra layer, but I can understand why people are relunctant. But if you use a good oil, you’re laughing. Oh, and don’t buy the aubergines that are bagged up, you want to get the loose ones – much cheaper. Look for aubergines about as big as your hand, as the bigger the aubergine, the more bitter it’ll be (if that’s not a link to us fatties I don’t know what it is).

Please don’t be put off by the fact you have to use a few syns – I say this every single time, but this diet isn’t about being super-strict, it’s about enjoying your food and making more of an effort to find new things and eat well. This tastes delicious and has an unusual mix of flavours. Worth a go!

J