well blow me (lie back and think of the Body Magic). after all my moaning and picking fitfully at Paul’s shirt in the car and telling him to turn it around and “we’ll go next week”, we’ve only both gone and lost. Admittedly, not massive losses, but its going in the right direction! SEE:

Based on a stat I found somewhere. really impressed with ourselves – in a month we’ve lost 1 stone and a half, and I reckon I can get my stone award next week. I’m not quite sure what happens when I get that other than I get a sticker on my book. But there’s a lesson here! I was adamant that I’d ruined my week and didn’t want to go so that I wouldn’t ruin my streak, but that’s stupid, and we would have been face-down in a tub of ice-cream quicker than you could say ‘have a bit of respect’. Get your arse to class every week and never put it off. Only that way can you stay in control.

Recipe card tomorrow – apologies for the double post!

J

good lord, of all things to be asked at a Slimming World class, I wasn’t expecting that one. Naturally, my answer should have been ‘Not very, to be frank – I’ve done it once and it was like giving mouth to mouth to a dying squid’ (and I’m sorry but it was!) but instead, I almost bit through my lip trying not to laugh. The conversation was actually about using up syns when dining out, but it certainly made my ears prick up.

only a wee post tonight to show off our new weigh-in banner for week three! recipe tomorrow – chicken wrapped in parma ham served with crunchy cabbage!

we’re both happy with this, and it’s come as a bloody shock that I’ve lost weight, given I’ve eaten more sweets than I care to name at work – I’m surrounded by sugar! When it comes to 11pm and you’re facing amending a 200 page document with nothing more than brown water from the coffee dispenser, suddenly Haribo looks bloody appealing. Paul’s going slow and steady, but I’ve seen him buttering his toast on the sly. The fat sod. Honestly, he’ll regret it when I’m all lithe and lissom and he can’t sink into my back fat to keep warm.

finally, I won Slimmer of the Week again! My fridge is going to be covered in motivational badges. It’ll detract from our tasteful collection of those godawful magnets that show that yes, even we, have spent a weekend in Filey. Old before our time!

Hope you’re all well.

J

Wahey! FINALLY Photoshop turns up and I can knock out some images to accompany our weigh in results! Week two brings the news that we have lost just shy of a stone between us in a fortnight, following the plan and indulging in the odd syn. Not bad for £10 each. Think of the money we’re saving in petrol! I based the above calculation on the average street price of a gram of coke in 2013. I once said that in response to ‘how did you lose all the weight’ – I replied hard drugs and casual sex. THAT’LL be why I didn’t win Slimmer of the Year.

In the interest of balance, this was week one. I really wanted to put ‘Paul and I have lost a baby’ but I’m a sensitive new-age man and realised that would look so crass.

Now I’ve got the weigh-in banners sorted, the plan is to post the weight losses on a Monday night and recipes and bits and pieces for the rest of the week. We must have order!

Finally, the ginger biscuits I made yesterday? 50 biscuits were turned into five packs of ten, and sold for almost a tenner each! £50 for charity. I have to admit, I was surprised and chuffed. I’d love to bake for a living, but I couldn’t – within days I’d be someone who needed to be lifted out of the house through their bedroom window on a pallet.

Tomorrow, I’m going to start Body Magic, the entirely optional bit of Slimming World where you incorporate a little bit of exercise into your day. I’m not one for exercise. I get out of breath from sweating. But needs must, I’ll be mincing across the town moor tomorrow at dawn. Newcastle, if you wake to the smell of bacon, it won’t be a romantic gesture by a loved one, no, it’ll be my thighs chaffing through my polyester mix jogging bottoms. I hope no-one confuses my flushed red-faced and mincing gait for a come-on.

If you’re enjoying the blog, please share it via facebook – I’m getting a lot more views than I anticipated and it’s truly encouraging! I adore feedback too, because I’m a big fat narcissist. More recipes tomorrow!

J